Short jokes
The cops are still searching for my wife's killer. Luckily, I already fled the country.
The teacher is asking you a question.
Teacher: "If your biggest dream came true, what would you be?"
Me: "Dead."
Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.
What do ambulances and gay men have in common? They both take it in the back and go whoop whoop! :D
I used to work at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I missed a few days.
Why can't humans hear a dog whistle? -- Because dogs can't whistle.
This isn't a joke, but I'm a survivor and use humor to cope. I find these extremely funny, so please leave the people writing these alone 😭
No matter how much I love cake...
I would never dessert you.
If you're gonna razor yourself, you might as well have shaving cream.
Roses are red, Violets are red, Sunflowers are red,
HOLY SHIT, MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE!
You want some dead batteries? They're free of charge.
Want to watch Titanic?
No, I'm not on board for it.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
What is 6 inches long and makes women scream? Stillbirth...
Why hasn't my dad come back? No seriously, I'm not joking.
Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."
Who goes to a comedian show and gets offended?
A feminist.
What did Freddie Mercury use to improve his hearing?
Hearing AIDS.
What do you call a Communist sniper? -- A Marxman.
A girl asked me to eat her out one time... so I put her in the oven.