Short jokes
I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did.
Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?
Many soles were lost.
A lion, Johnny Depp, and a hockey player from Nashville all have one thing in common.
They're all Predators!
One time, the quiet kid hacked the speakers in a school. Next thing you know, "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster The People starts playing.
what's the difference between my hand and my blade? my hand isn't sharp.
Therapist: So what brought you here today?
Wife: He's too literal.
Therapist: And you, sir?
Husband: My truck.
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
My life is like a broken pencil, it's pointless.
What's in a Michael Jackson hotdog?
A 50-year-old piece of meat.
A 12-year-old bun.
A skeleton goes sky diving. Doesn't come back in one piece.
You're so damn fat that the only belt that fits you is an asteroid belt.
The number 13? Not on my watch!
What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?
Honey, I'm home!
The cops are still searching for my wife's killer. Luckily, I already fled the country.
The teacher is asking you a question.
Teacher: "If your biggest dream came true, what would you be?"
Me: "Dead."
Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.
What do ambulances and gay men have in common? They both take it in the back and go whoop whoop! :D
I used to work at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I missed a few days.
Why can't humans hear a dog whistle? -- Because dogs can't whistle.
No matter how much I love cake...
I would never dessert you.