Short jokes
Why do emos like yo-yo's? Cos they get strangled by the string.
I feel bad for the people who died in 2001. Those poor terrorists died doing their job.
We all hear cause we cut ourselves, right? I mean, JK.
I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on juan.
A lion, Johnny Depp, and a hockey player from Nashville all have one thing in common.
They're all Predators!
One time, the quiet kid hacked the speakers in a school. Next thing you know, "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster The People starts playing.
what's the difference between my hand and my blade? my hand isn't sharp.
Therapist: So what brought you here today?
Wife: He's too literal.
Therapist: And you, sir?
Husband: My truck.
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
My life is like a broken pencil, it's pointless.
What's in a Michael Jackson hotdog?
A 50-year-old piece of meat.
A 12-year-old bun.
A skeleton goes sky diving. Doesn't come back in one piece.
You're so damn fat that the only belt that fits you is an asteroid belt.
The number 13? Not on my watch!
What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?
Honey, I'm home!
My girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex, and I said, "What's that?" She said, "I fuck her ass." I said, "Oh, my uncle calls that shhhhh."
The cops are still searching for my wife's killer. Luckily, I already fled the country.
The teacher is asking you a question.
Teacher: "If your biggest dream came true, what would you be?"
Me: "Dead."
Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.