Short jokes

What did Freddie Mercury use to improve his hearing?

Hearing AIDS.

What do you call a Communist sniper? -- A Marxman.

Boy and girl playing hide and seek... girl: "I found you." Boy: "What gave me away?" Girl: "Ur parents obviously."

What has 50 legs but can't walk?

25 disabled children.

What is red and looks like a zebra?

My arm. Hehhehehehe UwU

There was a murder. The detective suspected the artist first... because he was sketchy.

The number 13? Not on my watch!

I thought my wife was joking when she said she was gonna leave me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I'm a believer,” but then I saw her face.

Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.

We shouldn't joke about rape, because rape is no laughing matter...

Unless you're being raped by a clown.

Curry.

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, you've told her twice.

We all hear cause we cut ourselves, right? I mean, JK.

How do you know when an orphan is lying?

When they say, "I swear on my mother's life."

What do you call a pessimistic Mexican?

A Mexican't.

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?

Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.

I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.

Q: What’s the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf Hitler?

A: One got to finish a race.

Q: What's stronger than family?

A: Whatever tree Paul Walker hit.

My uncle and I have somewhat of an awkward relationship. At times I find him a bit hard to swallow.