Short jokes
I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did.
We all hear cause we cut ourselves, right? I mean, JK.
What's in a Michael Jackson hotdog?
A 50-year-old piece of meat.
A 12-year-old bun.
A lion, Johnny Depp, and a hockey player from Nashville all have one thing in common.
They're all Predators!
what's the difference between my hand and my blade? my hand isn't sharp.
Therapist: So what brought you here today?
Wife: He's too literal.
Therapist: And you, sir?
Husband: My truck.
One time, the quiet kid hacked the speakers in a school. Next thing you know, "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster The People starts playing.
My life is like a broken pencil, it's pointless.
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
You're so damn fat that the only belt that fits you is an asteroid belt.
The cops are still searching for my wife's killer. Luckily, I already fled the country.
The teacher is asking you a question.
Teacher: "If your biggest dream came true, what would you be?"
Me: "Dead."
Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.
What do ambulances and gay men have in common? They both take it in the back and go whoop whoop! :D
I used to work at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I missed a few days.
Why can't humans hear a dog whistle? -- Because dogs can't whistle.
No matter how much I love cake...
I would never dessert you.
Want to watch Titanic?
No, I'm not on board for it.
You want some dead batteries? They're free of charge.
Roses are red, Violets are red, Sunflowers are red,
HOLY SHIT, MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE!