Short jokes
Why is Stephen Hawking so square headed? Because he forgot to shut Minecraft down!
"I think my baby is so similar to me!"
"True, but the most important thing is that he is healthy!"
What songs do people with no arms listen to?
None, 'cause they can’t press play.
They asked JFK Jr. if he wanted to shower before his flight. He said, "No, I'll just wash up on shore!"
Timmy: Stupid motherfucker.
Jimmy: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Timmy: *starts crying*
Jimmy: Ah fuck, I did it again.
What is the best time to eat dinner?
When you're hungry.
Why do men say funny things? Just to be silly!
Q. Why did Josh Duggar cross the road?
A. There was a daycare on the other side.
What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?
A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.
What do women and appliances have in common?
If they don't work, hit them until they work.
What happens when a computer thinks it knows better than a human?
Ask Boeing.
Roses are red,
I am dead.
You could call me wet, or I will keep your dread.
What’s the worst thing to happen to an orphan?
Well, they weren’t always orphans.
Cameron Boyce
If you execute someone in ventricular fibrillation in the electric chair, will they come back to life once and then die?
What do you call a fish that doesn't play basketball?
What's 68+1? 69. Nice!
2 times 4 equals 18?
Hey mylady.
Hey bro.
Me mylady.
Me a bro.
When a sign says "Do Not Walk on the Grass," it does not apply to Stephen Hawking.