Short jokes
Why were the Twin Towers workers disappointed? Because they ordered a ham and cheese, but all they got was a plane.
You look like Megamind, drug dealer.
Why can't women just shut the fuck up! I hate women. They need to know their place and stay in the kitchen and be baby makers...
Someone was bullying Stephen, so I said, "Why do you not stand up for yourself?"
I asked Stephen if he was an organ donor, and he said why.
I said, "That's a shame. I need parts for my go-cart."
What's an orphan's least favorite theme song? The Barney theme song.
What do cannibals call an orphanage? All you can eat buffet.
What is an orphan's favorite movie? Home Alone.
Why can't orphans play poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is.
When does a kid become an orphan?
When the parents leave.
Why is Donald Trump under so much stress?
Because he signed up to be on an album where somebody says "no love for the rich" on it.
Roses are red,
my life is a disaster,
the children are fast,
but the combine is F A S T E R!
Man: Okay, tell me a joke without the expense of anyone's feelings.
Me: Okay, so an Asian...
What do you call a lesbian on a bike?
A dyke...
What hates men but would have no life without men?
A triggered feminist.
I could never date a midget.
We would never see eye to eye.
I wish I had emo nails,
So they could cut themselves.
What is the difference between an orphan and a homeless person? Nothing, haha.
If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"
Tell someone to spell "Icup."
Answer: It will say, "I see you pee!"