Short jokes
My grandpa said I'm too reliant on technology... so I screamed that he was a hypocrite and I unplugged his life support.
What did the dog say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? "Hey, mitosis!"
Can you fuck me, please?
The orphanage said I couldn't go home.
Your dad is gone.
You know we straight with doin' your mom.
Why did the mushroom get a new house?
Because there wasn’t mushroom!
Why did the vegetable go to jail?
He kaled a man and stole a 9-carat gold bar.
My wife said if I rape her again, she would leave me. Why didn't anyone tell me it was that easy?
I kicked a goose, and I liked it!
Why do I tell bad jokes?
I'm a lesbian.
Why are orphans always sad?
Because their parents aren't there to cheer them up.
If you kill someone, that's murder.
If you kill a family member, that's still murder.
If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."
Children in the Twin Towers be like: "Look, Mum, it's a plane!"
What has 2 arms, 2 legs, 2 eyes, 2 breasts for milking, and a hole to fill with my 9 inches?
A sexy female.
Why did the Romans build straight roads? So the Pakis (bastards) didn't build corner shops.
What do you get if you cross Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama? A blonde n1gger cunt.
Me and my friend were cranking 90s in Fortnite, then our other friend joined, started flying a plane. We died like all the people in 9/11.
It's a tower.
No, it's a plane.
Me: Nope, it's 9/11.
What's the only type of abortion Republicans will never do anything to prevent?
A school shooting.
I’m literally scratching my itchy balls right now.