Short jokes
Why did Michael Jackson run?
Because he lost his glove.
I ran out of bras, so I wore...
My grandma's underpants!
When you want to commit suicide, just say "Allahu Akbar," there will definitely be a blast.
What's black and white and red all over? A penguin that's just been raped.
What is the difference between a banana and a helicopter? Neither of them is a police officer.
What is a "dad?"
A kid walks into the classroom on time.
Why does Trump always ensure he has a second pair of pants with him every weekend?
In case he gets a hole in one.
He told me that he was in a wheelchair, and I asked, "Oh, wheely?"
What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..
There is none.
After the shooting, people were asking why they would do it.
They wanted to stop but it turns out they were playing an online game.
"SpaStics on aplastic. Add me on ps4 SpaZZagaZZa54."
The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.
What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.
How do you find a redneck virgin?
Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.
What do you get if you cross a pig and a witch with sand?
A ham sandwich.
What's the only punch that can knock out a 21 year old?
A Sandy Hook.
Are guys scared of the word "Choppiness"?
Because it is literally saying "chop-penis."
A man broke into Stevie Wonder's house and threatened to kill his wife.
He just turned a blind eye.
Michael doesn’t fart. Jackson does.