Short jokes
What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.
Why does Trump always ensure he has a second pair of pants with him every weekend?
In case he gets a hole in one.
What's the only punch that can knock out a 21 year old?
A Sandy Hook.
Are guys scared of the word "Choppiness"?
Because it is literally saying "chop-penis."
A man broke into Stevie Wonder's house and threatened to kill his wife.
He just turned a blind eye.
Michael doesn’t fart. Jackson does.
What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..
There is none.
"SpaStics on aplastic. Add me on ps4 SpaZZagaZZa54."
After the shooting, people were asking why they would do it.
They wanted to stop but it turns out they were playing an online game.
The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.
What does a skeleton say when it has a lot of stuff?
"I have a skele-TON of stuff to do."
Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make everything up!
Why did Timmy fall down the stairs?
Because he fell off his wheelchair.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Rabid cow.
Rabid cow who?
Hold on, I need to get my gun....
Why don't wheelchairs have pedals, so when their arms get tired, they can keep going with their feet?
What do you call a swearing piece of shit?
Cus-turd.
I am having a shit and there[sic] nothing else to read.
If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
When you're mean to the quiet kid in your class and he kills everyone, good times.
Why doesn't Helen Keller's boyfriend like having sex with her?
'Cause she just lies there like she's dead.