Short jokes
What happened to the egg after it went on the rollercoaster?
It was scrambled.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
Error.
How did the air beat me at chess? It did that thing, haha!
What's Adam's biggest fear?
Andy with a belt.
What do you call a blonde?
A piss-head.
Why did the baseball player get arrested? He tried to steal third.
I don't get mitosis.
The second twin tower is like Canada. It doesn’t exist.
Ever notice 9-1-1 (the number for the po-po) is the Great Date (9-11)... Hmmm.
If I had a sister with only 1 leg... wouldn't her name be I-Lean?
Don't trust stairs... They are always up to something.
Why are women like diapers?
They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.
Q: What does a microwave and an M1 Garand have in common?
A: They both go “ping” when they’re done.
Why did Stephen Hawking make it to heaven?
He couldn't make it up the stairs.
Friends are very important. I have lots of friends in very high places. I hope the police can talk them down!
A kid asks for an ice cream. The man says, "Any sauce?" and the kid says, "Na, I got ketchup at home."
Did you know all Canadians have the same blood type?
They all have blood "eh."
Do you want to hear a paper joke?
Never mind, it is tearable.
What do you call a ride that drops 180 degrees?
Cold as hell.
Hey, did you hear about the cat revolution? It was a cat-astrophy! I guess we just have to stay PAWSitive!