Short jokes
Q: What does a microwave and an M1 Garand have in common?
A: They both go “ping” when they’re done.
Why did Stephen Hawking make it to heaven?
He couldn't make it up the stairs.
Did you know all Canadians have the same blood type?
They all have blood "eh."
Do you want to hear a paper joke?
Never mind, it is tearable.
What do you call a ride that drops 180 degrees?
Cold as hell.
Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up?
Because if they slept with both legs up, they would fall over!
So I was walking in a store, and a carrot and a lettuce said, "Lettuce leaf!" to me.
Have you ever heard Stephen Hawking sing?
"Head, shoulders, wheels and frames, wheels and frames!"
Have you heard of bees? They're bee-utiful!
Why do men sag their pants so low and still wear a belt?
The same reason women bring their purse on a date and don't pay.
Stephen Hawking died because he lost Wi-Fi connection.
What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up.
What is a vampire's favorite animal? A giraffe.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.
Those two jokes are not funny at all!
What is the richest nut ever? A cash-ooo!
My friend Richard is always bullying all the little kids in the neighborhood. He is such a dick.
PP in the poo poo.
Why don't some people like pennies?
Because it's common cents.
A guy cut me in the lunch line. After that, a rock was thrown at him by my friend.
What is Sophia’s favourite song?
"Open Wide" cum inside, it is okay school.
Have you heard about the awesome fruit race?
The lettuce was ahead, but the tomato was able to ketchup!