Short jokes
How to become a monkey?
Put a red dot on your forehead.
What does Michael Jackson and tuna fish have in common?
They both come in small can.
I cummed on the alley.
I saw a dwarf and said, "He costs 2 elixir!"
He called the cops.
What do you call a foot that got beaten at everything?
De-feeted (Defeated)
Life's like a dick. Women make it hard for no reason.
What was the last pizza order at the World Trade Center?
Two large planes.
Why do orphans have dry cereal?
Because they're still waiting on the milk.
If two stoners get married, do they have joint assets?
I'd tell you a 9/11 joke, but it'd fly over your head and into the Twin Towers.
Men.
How do you stop constipation?
You scare the crap outta them.
(Crap is another word for poop.)
What type of shirt do kangaroos wear? Jumpsuits.
Me after Taco Bell, "I’m about to blow this place up like September 11."
Kian. Legit, Kian is a joke.
Did you know nine of ten dentists recommend oral sex?
If Tim goes to heaven and Tom goes to hell, where does Tam go?
Up your ass.
Why is the Pentagon mad?
Because it didn't get two pizzas, but only one plane pizza.
If you don't like racist people, isn't that discrimination?
I once told a blind orphan, "Hey, look at the bright side!"