Short jokes
My granddad died in Auschwitz in WW2...
He fell from a tower.
Lol, I switched out my friend's leukemia medication for mercury.
Like and comment if you get it!
Why did Timmy fall down the stairs?
Because he fell off his wheelchair.
Why don't wheelchairs have pedals, so when their arms get tired, they can keep going with their feet?
If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Rabid cow.
Rabid cow who?
Hold on, I need to get my gun....
What do you call a swearing piece of shit?
Cus-turd.
I am having a shit and there[sic] nothing else to read.
Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make everything up!
What does a skeleton say when it has a lot of stuff?
"I have a skele-TON of stuff to do."
When you're mean to the quiet kid in your class and he kills everyone, good times.
Why doesn't Helen Keller's boyfriend like having sex with her?
'Cause she just lies there like she's dead.
Pete the panther was racing a cheetah but lost. The cheetah said, "You can’t beat me, I’m a cheetah." Pete said, "Yeah, you are a cheetah cheetah."
It's not a war crime if no one's alive to report it.
It's not a hate crime if you don't hate the person.
Where do terrorists go for a drink?
At the Allahu-ak Bar.
Sometimes women are like bad snacks. People try them and then chuck them in the trash.
You will never see a redneck opposing a war.
He will instead say, "Wait, I get to kill people and it's not illegal? And they're foreigners?"
Why do people adopt orphans?
They get cash.
I'm so depressed, I gave my therapist trauma.