Short jokes
What kind of milk does a new age calf drink?
Dairy free.
Granny says don't worry, the cries of pain are only my ex-husband's.
Son: Hey, Dad, I'm cold. Can you give me a lift from work?
Dad: Hi Cold, nice to meet you. Sorry, I don't pick up strangers.
Son: I hate you!
What would you name a mummified squirrel?
Perhaps... Mumford?
What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
Thumb nails.
Texas 😂😂😂😂
What do kids call a balanced meal?
A hamburger in each hand! XD XD XD XD
What did one mountain climber say to the other mountain climber?
Man, you are really on edge.
Q: Why is the graveyard so noisy? A: Because all the coffin.
If you don't get it, it means because of people coughing.
Me: Hey! Do you know how to tie a knot?
Person: Yea, why?
Me: Cause I need help tying this noose :)
What did the hairdresser say to the power line?
"Want a power cut?"
What did the store manager say when they ran out of toilet paper?
We’re wiped out!
Women have less rights than a NASCAR track.
My sis said only garlic and onions can make you cry.
So I threw an orange at her.
What is a rat's favorite dessert?
A chocolate mousse cake.
Words that have "ho" in them:
Thot
Whore
Asshole
Horrible
Horena (my ex gf)
I could tell you the one about the broken pencil... but it's pointless.
Mom: See that guy over there with no hands, tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I'm blind.
Mom: Exactly!
When do you go on red and stop at green?
A watermelon.
Why did Little Sally get hurt while playing soccer?
Because she fell into a minefield.