Short jokes
Women: Can I have your number?
Jesus: No.
Women: Why? Are you scared?
Jesus: No. Just when you wanna talk, just pray.
I went to the zoo but all I saw was a dog.
Yeah, it was a shih tzu.
I blend children to make a good living.
Mom: Remember, you can tell me anything.
Abbie: I had sex with dad.
Mom: Go die in a hole!
I just wanted to write something random.
And now my wife is dead.
In America, you catch Pikachu. In Soviet Russia, Pikachu catches you.
What do you call an abo with a shotgun?
Sir.
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi?
They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
I'ma tell these to my adopted sister.
Imagine when you are about to cry at the funeral, then your friend's phone rings.
Then he says, "I'll call you back, I'm still at the die."
Bruh, people always makin' jokes 'bout how their dad left, well in my story it was the mum that needed milk.
Why is the dog having KFC? Because the dog has no friends.
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
If the teacher tells you to stand up if you're not gay and there's that one kid in the wheelchair.
Why didn't Neptune marry Saturn?
Because he knew he wasn't hot!
Q: Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake.
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta-way.
Me: punching a kid.
My FBI agent: You're adopted.
If Tim goes to heaven and Tom goes to hell, where does Tam go?
Up your ass.
Why do orphans have dry cereal?
Because they're still waiting on the milk.