Short jokes
I didn't come into the prostitution business...
It came into me.
What happened when the emo went through the self-checkout?
Two beeps went off.
Bf: What do you think about our love?
Gf: Count the stars in the sky.
Bf: Aww, it's infinity.
Gf: Nope, just a waste of time.
What is a bald eagle's favorite dog breed?
A beagle!
Want my opinion on Mongolia? It has its pros and Khans.
I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”
How did a blonde commit suicide?
She jumped from the basement window.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
Answer: Depresso.
You know what the worst thing about gang rape is?
Having to wait your turn.
I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.
What is Hitler's least favorite month?
Jewly.
I went to the store and I saw a kid with fake airpods, and I was going to tell him, "Nice fake airpods," but it was his hearing aids.
Ya know, Kobe made a real impact on the earth!
Teenager: "OMG, I’m prego, my mom's gonna kill me."
Baby: "Lmao, same"
I should be ashamed of myself for making all these jokes at the expense of the disabled! After all, they can't even stand up for themselves.
What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?
I feel like a kid again.
I know five fat people, and you're three of them.
Me: Hey, do you want to see my grandma?
Friend: Yeah, sure.
Me: *pulls out gun*
Better to cum in the sink... than to sink in the cum.
Why did Beyonce say "to the left to the left"?
Because women don't have rights.