Short jokes

What's the difference between parents and depression? At least one of them leaves you.

Why does Helen Keller hate the national anthem? Oh, say, can you see?

What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?

They both came in a little behind.

Is buttcheeks one word?

Or should I spread them?

Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?

One is Catholic.

I think I banged a Chinese celebrity...

She kept screaming “I’m Wei Tu Yung” like I was supposed to know the name.

What did the guy exclaim after inventing the shovel?

It is ground breaking!

Forehead is so big that you wear a bed sheet for a bandana.

Thankfully, I'm still alive because I fail at everything in life.

I was gobsmacked when I encountered the Jacko special at a Bunnings sausage sizzle. A 40-year-old sausage on 7-year-old white bread.

Two lesbians adopted a cat. That night, the cat ran away. Why?

Because it heard one say, "I'm gonna eat that pussy."

What is Hitler's least favorite month?

Jewly.

Friend: “What's that on your arm?”

Me: “Oh, nothing. Just decided I wanted to cosplay a tiger.”

What do TVs and girls have in common?

They both show you stuff when you turn them on!

I wanted to solve teen suicide, so I shot up a middle school.

What makes a joke a dad joke?

I don't know. I don't even have one as an example.

How did Stephen Hawking please his woman? He uses a hard drive.

A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"