Short jokes

Teenager: "OMG, I’m prego, my mom's gonna kill me."

Baby: "Lmao, same"

What is a glory hole at the adult book store used for?

Campaign contributions to the Republican Party.

Why did the skeleton not rob the bank?

He did not have the guts!

So I was being robbed, and this guy had the gun to my head, so I told him he was holding it backwards.

Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep them in my basement until it’s time to hang them from a tree.

What do you call a priest in a room full of naked boys?

A colonoscopy.

MVP means: “Most Valuable Player.”

In Chuck Norris' case: “Most Vaginas Penetrated”.

What does a cannibal call people in water?

Sea food.

What's the difference between parents and depression? At least one of them leaves you.

What type of tape do kidnappers use?

Abduct-Tape.

Your hairline shape is so badly shaped like a M, me and my friends thought it was McDonald's.

I wanted to solve teen suicide, so I shot up a middle school.

What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?

One is Catholic.

Why did the Catholic priest suck dick at a glory hole?

Because someone asked him what he would do for a Klondike bar.

Is buttcheeks one word?

Or should I spread them?

How did Stephen Hawking please his woman? He uses a hard drive.

I bet a disabled kid on a wheelchair that if he could catch me, I'd give him 1000 dollars. He said deal, and I went upstairs.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

You know what the worst thing about gang rape is?

Having to wait your turn.

What did the guy exclaim after inventing the shovel?

It is ground breaking!