Short jokes
Why did Beyonce say "to the left to the left"?
Because women don't have rights.
Better to cum in the sink... than to sink in the cum.
What do you call a cute door?
Adoorable.
Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."
What's the difference between eggs and you? Eggs get laid, you don't.
What do you call a nose without a body? -- Nobody knows.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and acne? Acne doesn't come on a 5-year-old's face.
Why does Peter Pan always fly? Because he Neverlands.
How did Stephen Hawking please his woman? He uses a hard drive.
You're so poor, people break into your house and leave things.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
Why did the Catholic priest suck dick at a glory hole?
Because someone asked him what he would do for a Klondike bar.
What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic.
Your mom's so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices!
I like when people say they hate me because we have something in common. <3
Why did the skeleton not rob the bank?
He did not have the guts!
What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?
They both came in a little behind.
Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep them in my basement until it’s time to hang them from a tree.
What type of tape do kidnappers use?
Abduct-Tape.
So I was being robbed, and this guy had the gun to my head, so I told him he was holding it backwards.