Short jokes
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
I like when people say they hate me because we have something in common. <3
I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.
Your mom's so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices!
What is a glory hole at the adult book store used for?
Campaign contributions to the Republican Party.
What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic.
Why did the skeleton not rob the bank?
He did not have the guts!
What do you call a priest in a room full of naked boys?
A colonoscopy.
So I was being robbed, and this guy had the gun to my head, so I told him he was holding it backwards.
Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep them in my basement until it’s time to hang them from a tree.
What does a cannibal call people in water?
Sea food.
What type of tape do kidnappers use?
Abduct-Tape.
What's the difference between parents and depression? At least one of them leaves you.
I wanted to solve teen suicide, so I shot up a middle school.
Is buttcheeks one word?
Or should I spread them?
I bet a disabled kid on a wheelchair that if he could catch me, I'd give him 1000 dollars. He said deal, and I went upstairs.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
You know what the worst thing about gang rape is?
Having to wait your turn.
What did the guy exclaim after inventing the shovel?
It is ground breaking!
Forehead is so big that you wear a bed sheet for a bandana.