Cum Jokes

Better to cum in the sink...than to sink in the cum

My dad just cums and goes.

Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.

What starts off fun and ends in bankruptcy?

UNPROTECTED SEX

What do you get when you cross jokes and cum?

CUMedy.

Q. How much cum does a gay guy have?

A. A butt load.

Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, "Hey, Don't finish yourself until I get back." After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. "Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!" Gary turns to him and says, "I didn't, I farted."

Was gonna make a gay joke but fuck... Cum on guys.

How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?

When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

What do you call it when a boxer cums? Busting a nut.

your mom

Why couldn’t the dwarf husband make his wife pregnant?

Because of his short cummings.

Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.

I nutted on the wall, call that a walnut.

2 people are under the covers. The man says "Quote the Beatles: Cum together!"

Gay jokes are not funny, CUM on guys!

I feel bad for cumming on my turtle

Why the fuck would I do that. I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn in my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me in the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watch and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with my I wouldn't feel lonely. Well I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, i took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forgot the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forgot what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what i did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish, is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.