Cum Jokes

Anonymous

Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.

7
Anonymous

Better to cum in the sink…than to sink in the cum

Scarlet Witch
in Nut

What do u call it when a boxer cums? Busting a nut

Te4inchpounder

Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, “Hey, Don’t finish yourself until I get back.” After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. “Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!” Gary turns to him and says, “I didn’t, I farted.”

Anonymous

How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?

When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

2
Anonymous

I nutted on the wall, call that a walnut.

3
Anonymous

What starts off fun and ends in bankruptcy?

UNPROTECTED SEX

J0K35
in Comedian

What do you get when you cross jokes and cum?

CUMedy.

Anonymous

Q. How much cum does a gay guy have A. A butt load

3
Anonymous

What is different about priests and acne.

Acne waits until your 13 to cum on your face

3
Anonymous
in Dad

My dad just cums and goes.

Anonymous

I feel bad for cumming on my turtle

Why the fuck would I do that. I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn in my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me in the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watch and honestly I’m probably going to watch porn on dvd instead from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with my I wouldn’t feel lonely. Well I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, i took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn’t want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn’t say a word about it, he didn’t move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forgot the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forgot what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what i did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish, is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.

Anonymous
in Dwarf

Why couldn’t the dwarf husband make his wife pregnant?

Because of his short cummings.

3
Anonymous

your mom

Jonas

Was gonna make a gay joke butt fuck… Cum on guys

0
Anonymous

Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.

Yum

2 people are under the covers. The man says “Quote the Beatles: Cum together!”

THE GOAT

Dont do gay jokes, cum on guys

I looked up how fast does cum shoot and it said 28 mph. That means that ejaculation is illegal in school zones!

Anonymous

Gay jokes are not funny, CUM on guys