Short jokes
I wish my dad was home. I haven’t seen him since the shot of 2008.
Bf: What do you think about our love?
Gf: Count the stars in the sky.
Bf: Aww, it's infinity.
Gf: Nope, just a waste of time.
What is a bald eagle's favorite dog breed?
A beagle!
You see a kid on the side of the street crying, so you go up to them and say, "Where are your parents?" The kid says, "What are parents?"
Want my opinion on Mongolia? It has its pros and Khans.
Spongebob and Jacko have one thing in common.
They both routinely place meat in small buns.
What did MC Hammer say to Michael Jackson?
"U Can't Touch Kids."
What do SpongeBob and Asians have in common?
They're both yellow and can't drive.
Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.
He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."
Having homosexual parents must be terrible.
Either you have a double dosage of dad jokes or you are stuck in a cycle of "go ask your mom".
If a special ed kid is late to class, is it okay to call me a little tardy?
How did a blonde commit suicide?
She jumped from the basement window.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
Answer: Depresso.
Your mama so fat, when she asked for a water bed they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.
Ya know, Kobe made a real impact on the earth!
Teacher: Your bag is heavy, what's in there?
Weird Kid: Magazines.
Why do people in a wheelchair make bad jokes? Because they are bad at stand-up.
The whole reason he is dead is because he kept hitting "Remind me later" on his Windows Updates.
If Martin Luther King were white, what would they call him?
Alive.
Why did Hitler kill himself?
His gas bill was too high.