Short jokes
You're so flat, you make pancakes look thiccc.
What's My Favorite Thing About My Grandpa?
His life insurance...
What happened when the emo went through the self-checkout?
Two beeps went off.
Why can’t Jesus be born in West Virginia?
Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.
Bf: What do you think about our love?
Gf: Count the stars in the sky.
Bf: Aww, it's infinity.
Gf: Nope, just a waste of time.
Want my opinion on Mongolia? It has its pros and Khans.
What is a bald eagle's favorite dog breed?
A beagle!
Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.
He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."
Having homosexual parents must be terrible.
Either you have a double dosage of dad jokes or you are stuck in a cycle of "go ask your mom".
How did a blonde commit suicide?
She jumped from the basement window.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
Answer: Depresso.
If a special ed kid is late to class, is it okay to call me a little tardy?
I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.
Your mama so fat, when she asked for a water bed they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.
Ya know, Kobe made a real impact on the earth!
The whole reason he is dead is because he kept hitting "Remind me later" on his Windows Updates.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin' Catholic.
I should be ashamed of myself for making all these jokes at the expense of the disabled! After all, they can't even stand up for themselves.
Two lesbians adopted a cat. That night, the cat ran away. Why?
Because it heard one say, "I'm gonna eat that pussy."
Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?
After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.