Short jokes
How do computers get drunk?
They take a screenshot.
MVP means: “Most Valuable Player.”
In Chuck Norris' case: “Most Vaginas Penetrated”.
Why are vaginas and the Mariana Trench similar? Lots of seamen go missing there.
When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”
I think I banged a Chinese celebrity...
She kept screaming “I’m Wei Tu Yung” like I was supposed to know the name.
Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.
What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt-quack.
Do you want to know how to make a Smurf? CHOKE A MIDGET!
Your mama so fat, when she asked for a water bed they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
If Martin Luther King were white, what would they call him?
Alive.
Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve.
Having homosexual parents must be terrible.
Either you have a double dosage of dad jokes or you are stuck in a cycle of "go ask your mom".
What has an N, an I, two Gs, an E, and an R?
Ginger! You racist fuc-
Want my opinion on Mongolia? It has its pros and Khans.
What is a bald eagle's favorite dog breed?
A beagle!
I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."
I wish my dad was home. I haven’t seen him since the shot of 2008.
What did MC Hammer say to Michael Jackson?
"U Can't Touch Kids."