Short jokes
Grandma isn’t responding. Close app, wait, cancel.
Which do you choose?
Ok ok ok so 7 ate 9, but why was 10 scared? Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
Any 8 year old: Sus!
Me: Jake, we're at a funeral!
Knock knock. Who's there? Beep boop S.t.e.p.h.e.n beep boop H.a.w.k.i.n.g.
At least he got D.L.A. (Disability Living Allowance), so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.
If you look up the word "wheelchair" in a dictionary, you will see a picture of Stephen Hawking.
Stephen Hawking doesn't go for a stroll. He goes for a roll.
It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.
Oh, ate the cheese? Urmom.
No, Stephen Hawking wasn't the first man to walk on the moon.
I asked an American if their national anthem was "Pumped Up Kicks."
"We can't go under... We can't go over... Oh no, we got to go through it!"
What's the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage :|
Anthony Blinken's life sucks, and getting COVID-19 positive is the only positive thing that ever happened in his entire life!
Q. What is Terri Schiavo's favorite Eminem song?
A. "Till I Collapse."
What do you call a questioning Constanta?
Curious George.
What do skeletons do with their organs?
They organize them!
This is not really a joke, but it's a question.
If life is a movie, then is death life? Is we seeing the trailer right now?
Do you know why boys can't ask girls out? Because they don't have any balls to ask girls out!
What's the same with your dad and Retail Row?
They are both off the map.