Short jokes
My brothers kept annoying me.
I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.
It was an empty threat—right after I was done.
What would the Mandalorian be called if it was made in an aquatic center?
Mandachlorian.
There is a similarity between my wallet and an onion.
They always make me cry.
Nnnbgfdddddrr.
What does a car have when it's very itchy?
A road rash.
Mom: I'm going to the shop. If someone is at the door, don't open it.
Me: Ok.
*Ring*
Me: Opens the door.
Oh sh*t!
Mom: Gets flip flop.
Why is daonlyjuanhere an orphan?
Because he is the only one.
They don't have parents because they left when you were 0.
Hi! I love when you walk in and out the door at night. I did not.
Austin Nash
Be grateful:
You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.
Kevin Woody (look him up)
If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.
Why is helium so expensive? It is due to inflation.
Mr. Bunler.
What did the melon say to the avocado when he proposed?
Can't elope.
What do you call Holly and Elenji?
A couple.
What do you call an angry shopper?
A cuss-tomer.
What happens once every minute, twice every millennium, but never in a hundred years?
The letter M.
An Irishman walks out of a bar.