Short jokes
Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.
Do you know why they call me battery saver?
I get turned on when it’s below 10%.
"A friend with weed is a friend indeed."
What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.
I like your cut, G.
*Slaps really hard*
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Son: Dad, where are you?
Dad: Getting another one.
Son: Getting what?
Dad: Dad.
What do you call plane crash victims?
Down to earth people.
Lil bro's hairline is making me hungry wit that M shape also hitten me wit that damb batab bat bat baaa.
If all women disappeared one day, it would be a pain in the ass.
"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.
But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
Marriage is really educational.
When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.
A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.
First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.
Son asks dad, "How much does marriage cost?"
Dad: "I don’t know, son. I’m still paying for it."
How is a marriage like a hurricane?
In the beginning, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, but at the end, you lose your house.
One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.
I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."
My last best man's speech was like the marriage--short, occasionally funny, and ultimately ruined by the bridesmaid.
When the emo girl is in a movie and the director says, "Cut."
How do you make the grass cut itself?
Make it depressed.
I went to a restaurant and a waiter took my order. She had two black eyes, so I ordered real slow.
Because obviously she doesn’t listen.
Humor is like skin; the darker it gets, the less people like it.