Short jokes
I wasn’t staring, I was just trying to figure out if that was your hairline or the Great Wall of China.
A friend asked me, "Where are you going?"
I answered, "6 feet underground."
Why can't homeless people be gay?
They don't have a closet to get out of.
brb makin' tic tac toe boards on myself.
Why can't the orphan play the game of life? They don't know what a family road trip is. 😆
Grandma: Young people your age are married by now, why aren’t you?
Me: Old people your age are dead right now, why aren’t you?
Who reads the fastest?
The pilot of the plane who hit one of the twin towers. He took out 83 stories in one go.
I used to get pushed and called lazy in school.
Man, I loved that wheelchair.
These ain't jokes. These are just sad truths.
Why were Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy very wise presidents?
They both had an open mind.
An apple and an emo kid fall off a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first?
The apple, because the emo kid got caught by the rope.
What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?
When you have a gun in your hand.
Remember, kids: the school shooter can't get you if YOU are the shooter.
A dyslexic man walked into a bra.
You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.
A kid annoyed me the other day. I told him to shut up and go back to his parents. That's the last time I'm going to an orphanage.
Crush: "How much do you love me?"
Me: "Well, look at the stars outside."
Crush: "But it's morning."
Me: "Exactly."
A cemetery should be built next to orphanages, so the orphans can see their parents.
It sucks that Stephen Hawking died so soon, the new Intel update just came out.
Closer kin, deeper in!