Short jokes
I saw a fat girl with a 'Guess' t-shirt, so I said, "286lb."
The emo kid ran away after his parents asked why they took the barcode sticker off the Oreos.
Did you know Princess Diana was on the radio the night she died?
To be honest, she was on the whole dashboard too.
How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?
None, it's all tongue and groove...
I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win.
No pun in ten did.
If a man says you’re ugly, he likes you.
If a woman says you’re ugly, she’s just jealous.
If a child says you’re ugly, well, you’re ugly.
A prisoner was told how he'll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
Why is Black Panther every cop's worst nightmare?
He is a bulletproof black man.
What's the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?
Deer balls. They're under a buck.
Why can't homeless people be gay?
They don't have a closet to get out of.
They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, well not if it's poisoned.
Then the antidote becomes the most important.
I wasn’t staring, I was just trying to figure out if that was your hairline or the Great Wall of China.
A friend asked me, "Where are you going?"
I answered, "6 feet underground."
My aunt's star sign was Cancer, pretty ironic how she died.
She was eaten by a giant crab.
I used to get pushed and called lazy in school.
Man, I loved that wheelchair.
Your hairline is so bad, the cops had to do a breathalyzer test on your barber.
Grandma: Young people your age are married by now, why aren’t you?
Me: Old people your age are dead right now, why aren’t you?
A cemetery should be built next to orphanages, so the orphans can see their parents.
Roses are red, life has no meaning, voices in my head, are constantly screaming.
Roses are red, violets are black. Why is your chest as flat as your back?