Short jokes

Broccoli is like anal sex.

If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.

"I'm not sure why my girlfriend's father doesn't like me."

"What was your first impression on him?"

"I told him, she calls me daddy too."

People say that life is short.

I say... life is the longest thing we ever do.

Why do feminists believe that they can act like a bitch towards men if they want to? Because they were born without a penis.

What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn't need a rope to hang.

You wanna know what's the difference between a girl and a refrigerator? "A refrigerator doesn't moan when I put my meat in it."

What do you call a dad in the mirror?

(Your imagination.)

Why don't orphans like to get lost?

Because somebody's going to ask where their parents are.

I lost a race with a handicapped person today. The problem was the race was all stairs.

Gravity sure is fast.

Why did the Secret Service detain Johnny Depp at the White House?

Because he was about to kick the cabinet.

I SH so much, even when I die and become a ghost, you can see red stripes floating around the room.

To the guy who stole my depression medication,

I hope you're happy.

I can hear thunder outside, which I find weird since the lightning is on my arm...

What do you call it when a friend calms his suicidal friend? "Hang in there, buddy."

A little boy decided to burn a house down. The father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "That's arson."

Your forehead is so big it gets home before you do.

What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?

One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.

In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, "Girl, are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb."

What is a cannibal's favorite restaurant?

Five Guys.

Do you want to know how to make a Smurf? CHOKE A MIDGET!