Short jokes
What is the richest planet?
Saturn 🪐- It has many rings.
If you watch Jaws backwards, it's a heartwarming story about a shark that gives arms and legs to disabled people.
I comforted my friend about his wife's death, until I found out who did it.
Me: Want to play 911?
My little brother: What's that?
Me: It's where I kick your legs and you fall.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
By rearranging the furniture.
I won't ever forget my dad's last words: "OH GOD THE POLICE!!!"
How do you surprise a blind guy? Leave the plunger in the toilet.
brb makin' tic tac toe boards on myself.
How do bitches talk about body positivity when they have no body to even be positive about?
I saw a fat girl with a 'Guess' t-shirt, so I said, "286lb."
The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That’ll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
What's an emo's least favorite show?
Dr. Phil.
Did you know Princess Diana was on the radio the night she died?
To be honest, she was on the whole dashboard too.
What’s the similarity between peas from Tesco and emos?
They both have barcodes.
When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A.
I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win.
No pun in ten did.
Halloween! The day nobody questions the bodies dangling in your tree!
What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
If a man says you’re ugly, he likes you.
If a woman says you’re ugly, she’s just jealous.
If a child says you’re ugly, well, you’re ugly.