Short jokes
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a crowbar could do it so much quicker.
What do Polish people in Poland use chop sticks for?
tweezers.
Me: Want to play 911?
My little brother: What's that?
Me: It's where I kick your legs and you fall.
What is the richest planet?
Saturn 🪐- It has many rings.
Did you hear about the German girl being raped by 10 men? She shouted, "nein, nein," so one of them left.
If you watch Jaws backwards, it's a heartwarming story about a shark that gives arms and legs to disabled people.
I comforted my friend about his wife's death, until I found out who did it.
Why do black people only have nightmares?
Because the last one that had a dream got shot.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
By rearranging the furniture.
I won't ever forget my dad's last words: "OH GOD THE POLICE!!!"
How do you surprise a blind guy? Leave the plunger in the toilet.
brb makin' tic tac toe boards on myself.
When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A.
How do bitches talk about body positivity when they have no body to even be positive about?
I saw a fat girl with a 'Guess' t-shirt, so I said, "286lb."
Did you know Princess Diana was on the radio the night she died?
To be honest, she was on the whole dashboard too.
What's an emo's least favorite show?
Dr. Phil.
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That’ll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
The emo kid ran away after his parents asked why they took the barcode sticker off the Oreos.
How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?
None, it's all tongue and groove...