Short jokes

What is the richest planet?

Saturn 🪐- It has many rings.

I comforted my friend about his wife's death, until I found out who did it.

If you watch Jaws backwards, it's a heartwarming story about a shark that gives arms and legs to disabled people.

Me: Want to play 911?

My little brother: What's that?

Me: It's where I kick your legs and you fall.

I won't ever forget my dad's last words: "OH GOD THE POLICE!!!"

One thing that Johnny Depp and Michael Jackson love to do? Sniff on little white crack.

I saw a fat girl with a 'Guess' t-shirt, so I said, "286lb."

What's an emo's least favorite show?

Dr. Phil.

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That’ll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

Did you know Princess Diana was on the radio the night she died?

To be honest, she was on the whole dashboard too.

What’s the similarity between peas from Tesco and emos?

They both have barcodes.

I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win.

No pun in ten did.

Halloween! The day nobody questions the bodies dangling in your tree!

What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

By rearranging the furniture.

What's the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?

Deer balls. They're under a buck.

How do you surprise a blind guy? Leave the plunger in the toilet.

A prisoner was told how he'll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.

My aunt's star sign was Cancer, pretty ironic how she died.

She was eaten by a giant crab.

They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, well not if it's poisoned.

Then the antidote becomes the most important.