Short jokes
What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?
When you have a gun in your hand.
It sucks that Stephen Hawking died so soon, the new Intel update just came out.
Remember, kids: the school shooter can't get you if YOU are the shooter.
A dyslexic man walked into a bra.
You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.
A kid annoyed me the other day. I told him to shut up and go back to his parents. That's the last time I'm going to an orphanage.
Mexican jokes and black jokes are pretty much the same.
Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.
Crush: "How much do you love me?"
Me: "Well, look at the stars outside."
Crush: "But it's morning."
Me: "Exactly."
Why are people in Japan always skinny?
Because last time there was a "Fat Man", a whole city disappeared.
Closer kin, deeper in!
What's the difference between snow men and snow women?
Snow balls.
Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.
Did you hear about Johnny Depp's shelter for abused women? It's going as well as Michael Jackson's children's hospital!
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
What's the definition of trust?
Two cannibals giving each other blowjobs.
What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
One's got hope in her soul, the other's got soap in her hole.
What do you call a train with bubble gum?
A chew chew train.
Oh man, I'm depressed.
My town's population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.
What do you call the penises of gay men that are in wheelchairs?
Meals on wheels 😋😍🌭🌭🌭🌭🌭
How do you know when a woman is going to have a black baby?
When she takes the tampon out, all the cotton is picked.