Short jokes
Why were Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy very wise presidents?
They both had an open mind.
These ain't jokes. These are just sad truths.
An apple and an emo kid fall off a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first?
The apple, because the emo kid got caught by the rope.
What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?
When you have a gun in your hand.
It sucks that Stephen Hawking died so soon, the new Intel update just came out.
Remember, kids: the school shooter can't get you if YOU are the shooter.
A dyslexic man walked into a bra.
You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.
Mexican jokes and black jokes are pretty much the same.
Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.
A kid annoyed me the other day. I told him to shut up and go back to his parents. That's the last time I'm going to an orphanage.
What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?
They both like to dump their loads into little kids.
Crush: "How much do you love me?"
Me: "Well, look at the stars outside."
Crush: "But it's morning."
Me: "Exactly."
Why are people in Japan always skinny?
Because last time there was a "Fat Man", a whole city disappeared.
Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.
Closer kin, deeper in!
What's the difference between snow men and snow women?
Snow balls.
Did you hear about Johnny Depp's shelter for abused women? It's going as well as Michael Jackson's children's hospital!
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
What's the definition of trust?
Two cannibals giving each other blowjobs.
You shouldn’t bully fat people.
They already have enough on their plate.