Short jokes
Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.
How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?
None, it's all tongue and groove...
Did you hear about Johnny Depp's shelter for abused women? It's going as well as Michael Jackson's children's hospital!
Grandma: Young people your age are married by now, why aren’t you?
Me: Old people your age are dead right now, why aren’t you?
Why can't the orphan play the game of life? They don't know what a family road trip is. 😆
Me: Want to play 911?
My little brother: What's that?
Me: It's where I kick your legs and you fall.
Roses are red, violets are black. Why is your chest as flat as your back?
A kid annoyed me the other day. I told him to shut up and go back to his parents. That's the last time I'm going to an orphanage.
What do you call a train with bubble gum?
A chew chew train.
Oh man, I'm depressed.
Roses are red, life has no meaning, voices in my head, are constantly screaming.
People are pushing for a new black Lady Liberty coin. I can't wait to use black people as currency again.
The emo kid ran away after his parents asked why they took the barcode sticker off the Oreos.
How do bitches talk about body positivity when they have no body to even be positive about?
Why aren’t orphan jokes funny?
The punchline isn’t apparent.
when you don't have a phone to play Fruit Ninja and improvise.
Did you know Princess Diana was on the radio the night she died?
To be honest, she was on the whole dashboard too.
When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A.
What did the rapist say to his victim?
"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
The only reason Stephen Hawking died is because he forgot to update to the latest version of Microsoft.