Short jokes
What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Jesus tried solving the Rubik's cube,
but died on the cross.
As I grow older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe tour guide wasn't the right career choice for me...
About to go on a date.
But she was late.
So I got some tape.
And eventually punished her with rape.
They say there is power in numbers.
Tell that to the people in the Twin Towers.
Roses are red, the Jews hate goys,
Union of Creepy Janitors (UCJ) opposes school choice.
Life's full of ups and downs :D <3
Why do hospitals have air conditioning?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
A girl called me ugly.
So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.
If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
Why did the rapper refuse to write a diss track?
He didn’t want to start beef, he’s VEGAN.
Why was the bee’s hair sticky?
He used honeycomb.
I wrote a song about a tortilla.
Actually, it’s more of a wrap.
I like my women like I like my scotch:
12 years old and mixed with coke.
Do you know the number one cause of death for lesbians?
Getting your fingers stuck in there.
What do you call two lesbians in a closet? A liqueur cabinet.
My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire
The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."
Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?
Boyfriend: My mom taught me.