Once there was a boat. Its friends said,
"It's time to come back." And the boat said,
"No way. I don't give into pier pressure."
Short Jokes
Q: Why do I like bone jokes so much?
A: Because they are humerus.
What goes up must come down, apart from Mr. Vyse.
Stephen Hawking isn't actually dead. He is just having an update.
I am up in the air about becoming a pilot.
Guy is at athletic meet. Asks guy if he is a pole vaulter.
He replies, "No I am German and how did you know my name was Walter?"
Why did the girl 👧 bring lipstick 💄 to beauty school?
Because she had a make-up exam.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
It's me. I can't get in because Stephen Hawking is blocking the door!
What is the healthiest fruit?
An orange 🍊—It takes Vitamin See!
Why did the people think Stephen Hawking was disrespectful?
'Cause he didn't stand up for the national anthem.
How do you punish Helen Keller? Just move the couch.
What does an eighty-year-old woman have in between her boobs that a twenty-year-old woman doesn't?
A belly button.
You could say Japanese car fans and ancient Egyptians are alike—they both worship Datsun.
What’s pink, rusty, and covered in cobwebs?
Madeline McCann's bike.
You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)
I play Fortnite, but also I play Minecraft for 14 nights.
How do you drown a Blonde? You put a scratch and sniff sticker in a pool.
In Israel, they don't have Walmarts; they only have Targets.
My enemy told me I’m adopted, so I told him at least I got adopted.
When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon.
And into a children's birthday party.
