Short jokes
How did the orphan go to school?
Not by his parents.
Why can orphans never go to the shops?
'Cause the Talibans will plane dive into them.
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There were 25 cows, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
(Ten, if you count in base 13!)
You know what pun is used for "waist?"
Nothing. You'll find nothing.
It's just a waste of time.
WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!
Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?
My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."
What did one butt cheek say to the other?
"Together we can stop this shit."
Forrest Gump: Who's your favorite Lord of the Rings character?
Lieutenant Dan: Legaless.
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
Comment on this if you are somewhat like me: depressed, single, gay, and act like you're not burning inside.
Why did the dumb blonde pee inside the condom?
Because the doctor told the dumb blonde that the dumb blonde was going to get a urine test!
Have you seen Dolly Parton's new shoes? Neither has she!
I went down to my fridge to grab my dinner. I said to the children, "Who's next?"
Ur mom.
Oh wait, you don't have one.
In the new Justice League movie, Flash can break glass by touching it, why is that?
Because Flash is not supported on Windows.
I eat cockroaches.
I must have at least 87 years of bad luck; every time I look in the mirror, it breaks!
Roses are red, Your mum's a queer, Fucking hell, Can’t get out of first gear!
What comes up on small oceans? Microwaves.