Short jokes
So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.
My dumb ass thinking I made a friend, oh ya, I forgot, literally nobody likes me!
What did the tree say when it gets horny? My wood has a splinter.
Why did the nose cross the road to find the person who "nose"?
I take all my anger out on orphans. Why?
Because they have no parents to run to.
Welcome to David's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!
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There were 25 cows, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
(Ten, if you count in base 13!)
"I spy with my little eye..."
- Noting I am blind -
What did the bison say to his son leaving for school?
"Bye son!"
Get it? Bye son, Bison!
I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.
I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?
Once, I tried to say, "P.P. That's funny right there." Instead, I said, you guessed it, "Penis!"
Are you a red light? Because I stop every time I see you.
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
I once auditioned to be in Sausage Party. I thought I filled the role well.
The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.
Father: Son, you can do butter!
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No, I'm not.
Girl (on thirteenth birthday): Ma, why did papa leave?
Mother: Well, it started exactly 1 year and 189 days ago...