Short jokes

Short jokes

Marijuana

Why did the researchers want all the shore birds high on marijuana?

They wanted to leave no tern unstoned.

Abuse

Daddy, I really miss you. Mummy changed my name to Tickle Timpson. Anyway, daddy I forgive you for abusing me.

Hairline

When someone calls you gay, say:

"I'm straight, straighter than your hairline!"

Physics

My teacher gave me an A in Physics, then she tells me that it turns guys on.

Kill

What do you call someone who gets killed at 12 o'clock on New Year's? First kill of the match.

Spider

Why don’t spiders go back to school?

Because they learn everything on the web.

Funeral

Why did no one turn up to John's funeral?

Because Sally wrote the invitations!

Mama

Mama is so Catholic, Swiss cheese wishes it was as holy as she is. Do you...

Date

Michael has canceled his upcoming dates. They were Tommy, age 9, and Bobby, 11.

Bomb

Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?

Church

Who would win?

The laws of the Catholic Church which have been effective for over 900 years,

Or one horny Henry?