Short jokes
What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?
Let us prey.
I like my women like I like my scotch:
12 years old and mixed with coke.
Do you know the number one cause of death for lesbians?
Getting your fingers stuck in there.
If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?
What was Kurt Cobain's biggest flaw?
He had a short temper and lost his head over everything.
What's the square root of your dead?
9/11.
I feel like the Twin Towers, I’m broken.
Wait, 911 is the American emergency number...
My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They're his watch dogs.
How do you know if an Asian is an orphan?
If their grade was only an A.
What does RIP stand for on Maddie's head stone?
Raped in Portugal!
I sexually identify as kilometers per second.
Cuz I really wanna km/s (kill myself).
Bitches be like "you're racist." You're right, and I'm gonna win.
If at first you don't succeed, oh well, so much for skydiving.
What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?
Women can't take a joke!
Why did John rape his mother? Because he wanted a brother to play Mario Kart with.
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone. (Wing, wing, halo.)
Follow me if you know someone smart.
If you're gay, does that mean you're sexist?
Why did no one turn up to John's funeral?
Because Sally wrote the invitations!