Short jokes
My friend said I was gay, but then I realised he was talking to the mirror.
Why am I banned from my Catholic orphanage?
Because the children kept calling me "daddy."
What's something similar between a clogged pipe and a pregnant woman?
You fix both with a coat hanger.
What's America's no. 1 class?
Target practice.
Yo mama so fat, when she landed on the earth, the earth cracked like eggs. LOL.
One day I walk up to an emo kid. I realized he had a fresh cut, so I grab my hand and slap his wrist and told him, "I like ya cut, G!"
What do you call a chicken staring at a pile of lettuce?
A chicken sees a salad.
(Say it out loud if you don't get it!)
Why do they call it America when literally nothing is free?
I remember the time that Gordon Ramsay did an African food episode... it was a short episode. Too bad he couldn’t find any.
I told a blonde she needed gas for her car, and she farted into the gas tank.
A kid goes to bed with his dad because he’s scared of the dark. Turns out he just wanted to have sex.
I have tried coke; it is not my cup of tea.
You know why pedophiles get away with molesting children?
Because who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.
What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?
Miss by a few inches and you’re in deep shit.
Why do people eat cereal for breakfast?
Because why not.
Normally I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it’s two plane.
Kobe: Stop doing dark humor!
Me: Why? They don't land well together?
My uncle died on 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.
If white people turn black when they char, what happens to the black ones?
Who eats sleeping? A robot.