Short jokes

I could be red, I could be orange, I could be yellow, I could be green, I could be blue, I could be purple, but I would be dead.

I love you all the way to Uranus! 🤣

Why can't Heaven and Hell ever be one 2nd paradise?

Heaven always has 5-star reviews.

1st daughter: Dad, I'm lesbian!

Dad: Oh, OK!

2nd daughter: I'm also lesbian.

Dad: WTF, does any 1 in this family love dicks?!?

Son: I do...

You call him the holy cross. I call it the rejected Smash character.

My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.

Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!

Mpreg is hot af.

I love jacking off to mpreg.

What kind of clothing should you wear on “hump day”? Camelflouge.

Friend: You ok, man?

Me: Yea... I'll just leave myself "hangin'" tonight...

Kid: Dad, what's an orphan?

Dad:

What do you call a sexually attracted pizza who spoons another pizza?

A Topping.

What did one tree say to another in a crisis? Don't leaf me when things get bad.

How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?

He CRACKed up.

What is an angel's favorite kind of tortilla chip dip?

GuacaHOLY!

How do you kill time?

Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.

What day does Venus like?

SATURNday.

What did the bison say to his son leaving for school?

"Bye son!"

Get it? Bye son, Bison!

I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.

They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?