Short jokes
Why do orphans hate p*rn hub?
They always see a stepdad and stepsis.
My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."
Forrest Gump: Who's your favorite Lord of the Rings character?
Lieutenant Dan: Legaless.
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
Comment on this if you are somewhat like me: depressed, single, gay, and act like you're not burning inside.
I must have at least 87 years of bad luck; every time I look in the mirror, it breaks!
Why did the dumb blonde pee inside the condom?
Because the doctor told the dumb blonde that the dumb blonde was going to get a urine test!
The only time that cows will make noise is when they are in the moooo-d.
Your forehead is so clear, like the Liberty Bell manual in 1876.
What can you tell [as] a difference between [a] man and a woman [in a] relationship?
Both of them are just full of shit.
What did the owl that's a detective say?
"Hoo did it?"
In case there's a school shooting, the teachers can help out and shoot the kids.
Snake one: Are we venomous?
Snake two: Yep!... Why do you ask?
Snake one: Cuz I just bit my tongue!!! (Drama scene)
Why can't you eat cereal?
Because your dad never came back from getting the milk!
Which company likes Jesus the most?
IHS Markit!
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?
Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.
What is an astronaut's favorite button? A space bar.
When the teacher dismissed the class to go home,
The orphan asked, "Where do I go?"
The teacher replied, "Home."
The orphan said, "Catch me on the streets then!"
What type of alphabet does an elf learn?
The elf-abet.
What kind of veggie is always getting itself into a hard situation?
A pickle.