Short jokes
What type of jam can you not eat?
Traffic jam.
If you are dehydrated, you should get well soon.
What do you call a pig that knows karate?
Pork-chop!
What do you call nitrogen in the day? You call it day-trogen!
What did Schrödinger say to Shakespeare?
"To be and not to be."
I had a conversation with a Möbius strip.
It was one-sided.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crummy!
By the way, could you tell me an elevator pun? I can't seem to "come up" with one myself.
A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says, "Sorry, it was an axe-cident!"
How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!
What did the computer say to the other computer? “Well, tech-ically we can’t talk.”
3+3=****
Me: I used to laugh at Skyrim jokes like you, then I took an...
Everyone Else: DON'T...FUCKING...SAY IT.
What's the difference between my ripped jeans and my arms?.
None.
What's the square root of your dead?
9/11.
I like strippers on me.
What did the terrorist do when his kidneys failed?
Dial-ISIS!
How do you know all suicide bombers self-identify as being old?
They are all boomers in the end.
Wanna see a joke I found? *shows mirror*
"I only want to play with your daughter. It was okay yesterday."