Short jokes

There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.

Uber driver: .........

Me: .........

Uber driver: .........

Me: 5 stars.

My black friend turned off the lights and suddenly disappeared.

A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.

What is 3 feet tall and sits at the bottom of children's beds?

A: Garry Glitter's boots.

Donald Trump didn't build a wall because he likes going to islands to touch little girls.

What does Nemo have in common with my dad?

They both can't be found.

As tragic as school shootings are, it's also a quick way to a late-term abortion.

"Kidnapping is just surprise adoption, congrats! You are now all my children! Just hop into the portal that leads to the Lust Ring in Hell!"

What does an Asian doorbell sound like?

"Wing wong wung wang, wong wang wing wong!"

The inventor of the umbrella was just going to call it "brella," but he hesitated.

Anyone know about the war? It's not Russia we should hate, it's Putin that we should. 🙄🤪💅

Why did Joe Biden go to the hospital? Because he couldn't stop Putin.

What the fuck is wrong with people?

What did Trump say to Ukraine when Putin bombed them?

"It was Antifa!!!! And China!!!!"

Me: I just came home from Africa, and guess what I saw.

Friend: I don't know.

Me: A black market.

How do you tell if a blond is really stupid?

Put a scratch and sniff on a bleach pod.

Omnom.

Bro, I love hanging out with white people, it's either we play Yahtzee, or we playin' Nazi.

Like this if you have ever had a family member die.