Short jokes
A clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.
Why was Stephen Hawking always bullied?
Because he couldn’t stand up for himself.
How are a mouse and a bale of hay alike?
The cat'll eat it (the cattle eat it).
Why did Spider-Man decide to buy a laptop?
So that he could design his own “website.”
Did you hear that Michael Jackson changed his name from Michael Smith? Well, at least he's honest.
Why doesn't Voldemort have a human nose?
Because his snake bit it off!
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?
There is no difference.
Our teacher said for two kids to stare at a wall for no reason, so I said, "Hey wall, that ass flat like a pancake from McDonald's."
My friend told me to name a country in Africa.
So I said, "Hungry."
A new burger has been invented in memory of Stephen Hawking.
I doubt it will sell though, as it's 95% cabbage.
I accidentally bumped into a midget yesterday.
Me: "Are you ok sir?"
Midget: "Well, I'm not happy."
Me: "Well, which one are ya?"
What do you call it when a lizard can’t get a boner?
Ereptile Dysfunction!
Why did the koala climb the tree?
To get to the other branch. :)
He made it, don't worry!
You can easily outrun a midget because they have to run twice as much as you do.
What has fingernails and legs made of grass? You, I lied about the grass.
Like this post if you think pineapple belongs on pizza.
When Chinese babies are born, they should put "MADE FROM CHINA."
What do a "transgender" woman's favorite song and his/her last online order have in common?
~they're both a dick in a box.
What do you call a Mexican midget?
A paragraph, because he's not a full essay.
When you see a deer, what do you say?
"Oh deer!"