Short jokes
What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?
Nothing, he just started wanking.
Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast.
I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!
Why did the elephant cross the road? It didn't see the cars.
He dead, he alive, but most importantly, he got a new hard drive.
I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.
How does an artist fill in a CV?
He draws on experience.
A drum rolled down a hill. Ba-dum-tsssh!
"Knock knock?"
"Mustache."
"I mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later!"
Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.
What did one brain cell say to the other brain cell?
"I think I feel a connection!"
Math puns are the first SINE of madness! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
No one wanted to hear my ocean puns, they said they were too fishy.
Why didn't they just switch him on and off again, or switch his batteries?
Why were the cherries 🍒 crying?
Because their parents were in a jam.
What do you call an orphan fish?
Self-ish.
Random kid: Yo mama so stupid that she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.
Orphan: What's a mama?
Random kid: *shook*
How do you fit 27 New Zealand tourists in a 15-seater bus?
Simple. All in the ashtray.
Somebody told another person that they would meet at the crack of dawn.
Let's just say Dawn got very mad.
Why didn't the butcher cut the fillet?
Because it was a misteak.