Short jokes
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.
When the teacher gives me an F on my exam,
but I have an AK-47 in my backpack.
*Is honestly the best policy.*
I took a special needs child to a shooting range.
Poor bastard had no idea which direction to run in.
The highest level of trust in the world is when two cannibals are each giving each other blowjobs.
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
Anal intercourse is for assholes.
What do you call two natives in a sleeping bag?
Twix.
When I cut vegetables for my famous stew, I don’t know why everyone in the nursing home is always looking at me.
I started crying when my dad cut up onions.
Onions was such a good hamster.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.
What would a Down syndrome Ben 10 alien be called?
Chromostone.
What does a sex offender and Santa have in common?
They will come down your "chimney" tonight.
What’s the difference between a woman and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.
With the sentence "Die in Hölle," you can buy shoes in Germany.
I had sex with a disabled girl. You can say I handiclapped those cheeks.
Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.
Scientists make skyscrapers and airplanes.
Religion crashes them.
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex. Guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted to watch.
Vegan is actually an old Indian word for "bad hunter."