Short jokes
I would say fly high to Kobe, but obviously he didn't...
I would tell you a joke about my dink, but it's too long.
When I went to heaven, I saw Steven Hawking standing there. I asked why he isn’t in heaven yet. He said there are stairs.
Hate me all you want, but I gotta say, this whole thing with Gwen and TJ is ridiculous.
What do Miss Reeves and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both have a touchy feeling for kids.
I didn’t know Stephen Hawking died. Oh god, it must have been when I disconnected the Wi-Fi!
What do you call a cow that lives in Africa? Moo-fasa!
Why can’t orphans win trophies?
Because they can’t take them home.
Imagine not having parents. Lol.
What's the difference between a drill and a priest?
Nothing, they both like screwing stuff!
My brother's addicted to buying ladders; he loves to get high.
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast any time," so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
— Steven Wright
What does a Mexican not like in their drink? Ice.
Me and my girlfriend broke up, so I took her wheelchair, and she came crawling back.
Fletcher is not a lesbian. He is also not an Asian. He is also definitely not an accident.
When does it rain money?
When there's a change in the weather.
How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?
It's only got 10 hours to live.
An assassin threatens a planet.
The planet remains calm.
The assassin: "Do you not realize the gravity of this situation?"
What did the orphan say to his father?
Nothing, he doesn't have one.
What happens when premenstrual Raggedy Ann gets with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.