Short jokes

Are you made of Gallium and Yttrium?

Because you are looking a little bit GaY.

How do you know if a chick is too fat?

If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.

Doctor: What is your zodiac sign?

Patient: Cancer, why?

Doctor: What are the chances?

Patient: Of what?

Your mama's so fat, she runs a trade deficit with food!

Would you rather get a massage from a man or get major surgery from a woman?

Want my cookie? Come and get it... 😭

Roses are red, the Jews are a cult.

I've practiced Metzitzah b'peh on adults.

I had sex with a disabled girl. You can say I handiclapped those cheeks.

Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.

Gay is a mental illness.

You're not thinking straight.

The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them, "Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"

Cops have the hardest job: they have to tell women they have the right to remain silent and know damn well she will not have the ability.

Anal intercourse is for assholes.

My balls are high, just like the towers, but when something impales them, they begin to sag.

My grandfather died at Auschwitz.

Poor fella fell off the guard tower.

What’s the difference between women and condoms?

There isn’t a difference; they’re both throw aways.

So, my dad was drinking, so he was drunk, and I was sad. But can you be my friend, please?

I tried to stick to One Direction, but then they started to shoot the gay bar...

I used to be a banker...

But then I lost interest.

Why do they never serve beer at a math party?

Because you can't drink and derive.