Short jokes
My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.
Silence is golden. Unless you have kids, then silence is suspicious.
My mom told me a joke about boxing.
I guess I missed the punch line.
I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction.
Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way, someone is excited to see you!
What's it like to have the best daughter in the world? You'll have to ask grandma!
Who was the first anesthesiologist? Hitler.
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
What was Morgan Freeman called before the Civil War?
Morgan.
Why do Chinese people like playing Among Us?
It’s the only place they can vote!
Why can’t girls in the Middle East smoke weed?
Because they’ll get stoned.
Riddle me this, Batman, what's long, round, and has cum in the middle?
Batman: A dick.
Riddler: NO NO NOOO! It's a cucumber!
I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?
Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!
Why are most absent dads mechanics?
They like to nut and bolt.
What does a French guy say when he falls off?
Oh no, Eiffel!
Your cut [is] so broke, even Bob the Builder can't fix it.
I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"
What do you call a man with no arms or legs being pulled by a boat?
Skip.
You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
Why is the Rubik’s cube record holder always American?
Because Americans are really good at separating colors.