Short jokes
Why didn’t Anne Frank just finish her diary?
Concentration problems.
How do Americans learn the metric system?
9mm at a time. The problem is sometimes it goes straight through their heads.
My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and went right.
Why did the man miss the funeral?
He wasn’t a mourning person.
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
"Where do young trees go to learn?"
"Elementree school."
Where did the children go after he stepped on the land mine?
There, there, over there, and over here too.
New business idea: let's put a KFC in Africa and a watermelon shop.
If you ever think no one cares about you,
kill someone, then the news will.
Roses are red, Get on the ground, Gimme your stuff, Get ready to drown!
Why can't you make jokes about catholic priests?
Because they blow up in your face.
What did the plane that crashed on the ground say? Let me crash between those legs, girl!
Sorry, cringy joke.
I identify as kilometers per second because I want to km/s.
What’s the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
How do you make the world’s greatest Harlem Shake?
Throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptics.
My father always used to say:
"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."
Until the accident.
What’s the difference between a fetus and a jar of pickles?
The pickles aren’t as tasty in a jar.
I dated a girl, and I didn’t know she was previously in an abusive relationship.
I thought she just REALLY hated high-fives.
Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushion.
I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.