Short jokes
Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.
"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."
"Did you hear about the worst zoo in the world? It only had one dog in it. It was a Shih Tzu."
"What do you give a man that has everything? Penicillin."
What do Christians and gays have in common?
They both say, “Oh God” when they get on their knees.
What stresses a baby strawberry out?
When its mom is in a jam.
When does a computer function best? When it listens to its motherboard.
What do alien moms like to drink? Starbucks.
How do crabs honor their mom’s birthday? The shell-abrate.
What do you call a mom that can’t draw? Tracy.
How did the digital clock show off to its mother?
Look, Ma, no hands!
What's Momma bear's favorite baseball team? The Cubs.
What did the mama moose say to the calf after it got on her nerves?
"I'm not a-moosed right now."
What did the hermit crabs do on Mother's Day?
They shellabrated their mommy.
What did mommy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?
I really hit the mother lode with you!
What color flowers do mama cats like to get?
Purrrrrrrple flowers.
Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!
My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.
Why do some couples go to the gym together?
Because they want their relationship to work out.