Short jokes
I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.
My dad came out of my step-sister's room as I came out of my step-mum's room.
Your hairline is like a lollipop because every time someone licks it, it gets shorter.
"Pray to God her inside her head. I'm scared of God."
Wanna hear something twisted?
A pretzel.
Why was the slave so happy? Because he got his master's degree.
I saw someone who was about to jump off a bridge. They were wearing a Nike "JUST DO IT" shirt.
Are you Roblox? 'Cuz I wanna play ya all day.
I read a sign. What it meant to say is, "You matter, don't give up." What I read was, "You don't matter, give up."
What do you call an LGBTQ person getting grilled? LGBBQ.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They ain’t got no home to run to.
Why can’t England people play chess? They ain’t got no queen.
What did the doctor say to the terminally ill Power Ranger?
It's Morphine Time.
What do you call a priest who became a singer?
Michael Jackson.
Octopus, more like octopussy.
If bedbugs live in beds, where do cockroaches live?
My enemy told me I’m adopted, so I told him at least I got adopted.
I was gonna say when you were born your mum saw you and screamed, but I remembered you were adopted...
My girlfriend's a two, but she's turning three tomorrow.
What do pretzels and a corrupt government have in common?
They are both twisted.
What do Orphans say on Father's Day?
Well, not "Happy Father's Day."