Short jokes
Is it me, or was 9/11 too plane? I thought it would be more exciting.
What is the difference between an emo kid and a jug of milk?
The milk doesn't hang itself after it gets dumped.
You're in Australia. Your forehead is the reason why Africa is so hot.
I have returned. Anyways, what do you call it when you're actually in Panera Bread, being in Panera Bread?
The doctor said I would make it, but then Spider-Man came in holding a PS5.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Cabbage.
Cabbage who?
Cabbage doesn’t have a last name.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Broccoli.
Broccoli who?
Broccoli hasn’t got a surname!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Goliath.
Goliath who?
I need to Goliath down and sleep!
My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.
Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.
What’s the easiest way to dig a hole to China?
Through my arm.
I threw a paper airplane at the twin sisters. The teacher was upset. I guess they don't read the news.
What's a terrorist's favorite car? A Porsche 9/11.
Why did the orphan sit alone in the corner?
They wanted some family time.
What's the fastest way to stop an argument between a bunch of deaf people?
Just switch off the lights.
The neighbor’s children challenged me to a water fight.
I’m just checking my Facebook quickly before the kettle boils.
Q: Who is Tracy Latimer's least favorite rapper?
A: Monoxide Child.
I shouted at a kid. I told him to get his parents.
It was the last time I worked at an orphanage, 🤣.
Why did the gay man get raped?
He assed for it.
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.