Short jokes
I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far, no one has given me a straight answer.
When you're in the middle of a test and you hear gun shots.
How do you piss off a color blind person?
Give them a Rubik's cube.
Why are Mexican families so big?
They don’t know how to put a condom on.
What type of gun isn’t allowed in Africa?
A water gun.
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.
Me walking in to the office:
Principal: Tell me what you did?
Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...
Your hairline be going up and down like a Formula 1 car!
Your hairline design was used as the Batman logo!
Why doesn't anyone play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
Crazy? I was crazy once, they put me in a room with rubber rats. Rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once...
Are you Hiroshima? Because I want to drop my bomb inside you.
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his first boyfriend?
o o a a.
Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.
Her: I am scared!
Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.
My girlfriend called me a cocksucker, but hey, 20 dollars is 20 dollars.
What is the difference between a pencil and a woman?
At least one has a point.
What is the difference between me and food?
Food has a use.
I called my guy friend a cock-sucker the other day. He replied with, "Hey, 20 bucks is 20 bucks."