Short jokes
Where do you learn to make ice cream? -- Sundae school.
What did Earth say to the other planets?
"You guys have no life!"
Why was 9 afraid of 20?
Because 28, 29.
Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first.
"Moo!" says the second.
What did the fish say before he hit the wall? -- "Oh, dam."
When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? -- When there's a sail on it.
What does one math book say to the other? -- "Don't bother me. I've got my own problems!"
How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? -- A stick.
Why did the girl quit her job at the donut factory?
She was fed up with the hole business.
What did music tell the pancakes? -- B flat.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?
A buccaneer.
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? -- "Curses! Foil again!"
I know a woman who owns a taser. -- She's stunning!
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaaiins.
How do trees get online? -- They just log in.
What do you call a nose without a body? -- Nobody knows.
Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
All they said was, "Bach, Bach, Bach..."
What has more letters than the alphabet? -- The post office.