Short jokes
Why did Stephanie fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Not Stephanie!
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head and Shoulders.
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."
What does a skeleton say when it has a lot of stuff?
"I have a skele-TON of stuff to do."
Dead baby jokes never get old...
What did the salad say to pineapple?
"Lettuce be friends."
What do you get if you cross a pig and a witch with sand?
A ham sandwich.
Did you hear about how that deaf man got a ticket?
It's ok, he didn't either!
What do you call a Jedi that can use the force to fly?
A Jedi Flight.
What was purple and conquered the world?
Alexander The Grape.
What do you eat out of?
- A bowl.
What college do cows go to?
The Mooniversity.
What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?
The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.
How did the computer get out of the house?
He used windows.
What do you call a patronizing criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Man, it's hot in here!"
The other muffin says, "OH MY GOSH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"
Q: What do you call it when four Mexicans drown in quicksand?
A: Cuatro Cinco.
Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of 3? Cause the sign says "No Trespassing."
Why is 1026 afraid of 1028?
Because 1028 1029.
Stephen Hawking walks into a bar. Oh, wait, he doesn’t walk.