Short jokes
What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?
I feel like a kid again.
Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.
What do you call a Chinese billionaire?
Cha Ching.
What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?
McBongald's.
My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, "OK, you're ugly too."
What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats? -- A pimp.
The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters, ...
so Trump can't tweet it.
My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
What sound does a 747 make when it bounces?
Boeing boeing boeing.
A prisoner was told how he'll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he's hooked up to? The computer runs.
Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? He took a day off.
What did the dinosaur eat when the dentist fixed his tooth?
The dentist!
Look in a mirror.
Where do sick boats go? The dock!
What did the cow say when it saw the farmer twice in one day?
"Deja moo!"
How does a mathematician get tan?
sin/cos.
Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw.