Short jokes
Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, "Isn't it dark down here?" She replies, "I don't know. I can't see."
What's the best thing about 28 year olds?
- There's 20 of them.
What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?
A vowel movement.
Why is there no open hunting season on hippies?
Have you ever tried to clean one?
My life.
As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.
Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
What do you call a nervous Jedi?
Panakin.
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it's white and settles on their land.
What do you call a short black person?
By their name, you racist!
What's the best part of dating a homeless girl?
You can drop her off anywhere.
I was asked to give a bicycle joke, but I couldn't...
I was two tired.
Dark humor is like food.
Not everyone gets it.
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.
But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin mobile.
What's the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
A priest, a rapist, a pedophile, and a homosexual walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.
Why do pedophiles never win a race?
Because they are always coming in a little behind.