How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex?
Call her on the phone.
What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?
A baked potato.
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
How do you tell when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
What's a Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross country.
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
Why doesn't Mexico compete in the Olympics?
Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump, and swim are in the U.S.
I like my girls like my file systems...
FAT and 16.
A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.
What do you call a Jamaican proctologist?
Pokémon!
I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.
Why doesn't Karl Marx like Earl Grey Tea?
Because all proper tea is theft.
What's the difference between PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with the terrorist.
If something doesn't make sense to an Eskimo... is it counterINUITive?
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It's some weird number. You probably never heard of it.
What is the name of the bear capital?
Koala Lumpur.
Why is flour retarded?
Because it's in-bread.
What is it called when the gynecologist slanders your grandfather?
A pap smear.
What is a vegetarian's favorite song?
No beef.
Why did the fly fly?
Because the spider spied her!
