Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance, they looked like hare.
Give a man a gun, and he will rob a bank.
Give a man a bank, and he will rob everyone.
Why does a giraffe need such a long neck?
Because its head is so far away from its body.
Why doesn't Jesus buy beer?
Hebrews.
Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
A time traveler walks into a bar.
He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey.
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
How did Jesus like his chicken?
Crucifried.
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
I don't know. He hasn't opened it yet.
Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period.
What is a pirate's favorite element?
Argon.
Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?
No more tears.
A blonde walks into a bar.
Ouch.
How do you say goodbye to a calculus teacher?
Calculator!
Your momma's so dumb, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.
Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand store!
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
Confucius say:
"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."
Woman jokes aren't funny, period.
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets?
Women.
