Short jokes
Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.
Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."
I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
Where did Noah keep his bees? -- In the ark hives.
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are... But I laugh more.
I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
Why was Han Solo so suspicious when he put his penis inside Princess Leia for the first time?
Because it was Luke warm.
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? -- Because Yoda was in charge of the sequence.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. -- I lost my case.
New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.
How's Donald Trump going to get rid of all the Mexicans? -- Juan by Juan.
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
I've decided to marry a pencil. I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk?
In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.
I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.
9 out of 10 Americans are stupid... I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.
I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.
My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records. -- Then the librarian told me to take it out.
Why did 10 die? -- He was in the middle of 9/11.