Short jokes
One day a rooster fell into a swimming pool and a cat laughed. And the moral of the story? A wet cock can always satisfy a pussy.
How do pirates like their movies?
You already know the answer, don't you?
Well...
ARRR rated! Huh huh huh...
Why are blinds called blinds?
Because when they aren’t closed, they are blinding!
What do you call a war dodo named Bob in WW2 and he came from Mars?
Bruno Mars.
Why does Michael Jackson do positions with kids in photos? Because they won’t do the same for him.
Me: I'm retarded.
Teacher: Why?
Me: It took me 2 hours to see "60 Minutes."
When a kid says, "I'm a pedophile," it means that he has a crush on one of his classmates.
When an adult says it, he is accused as a rapper.
What is the most useless part of a vagina?
The woman.
Life is like a game of chess.
I don’t know how to play chess.
What's big and round?
Mine and not yours.
Thing 1: What's the difference between nuts and almonds?
Thing 2: I don't know, what?
Thing 1: One gets hard faster.
What is an orphan's family tree?
A stump.
Do you want to wear my sombrero?
Or is that nacho style?
What does your head come out of... your brain?
What is money called in space?
Star bucks.
Hot man is sexy.
How cool is NASA?
Not cool at all.
Why is it painful to have your attorney with you in the hospital?
The damages are severe.
The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not your dad."
Then he says, "What comes after 47?"
The quiet kid says, "AK."
Kid: Imagine being an orphan!
Parents: Look who's talking, not you 'cause you ain't got no one to talk to! *vanishes*
Kid: WAIT, WHAT!