Short jokes
How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home!
Why do orphans want to be communist?
So they would have a motherland.
Why did the orphan fail all his classes?
He couldn’t do his homework.
Why can't orphans play video games?
Because they don't have their parent's email.
Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?
After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
The Twin Towers were like a woman stuck in the washer machine. They both got freed.
What do JFK’s killer and a prostitute have in common?
“They both blow heads.”
Why is no one friends with Dracula? Because he's a pain in the neck.
What's the easiest way to get straight A's? Use a ruler.
My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.
I told them, "Just you wait!"
What do you call a pile of kittens? A meowntain.
My career is worth more than your adoption.
What do you call nuts on a chin?
My penis in your mouth.
I have (I HAVE) bolas.
If there are 4 Mexicans in a van, which of them is driving?
None of them. Immigration service is.
How do you know if a black lady’s pregnant?
You put a banana up her vagina and see if any little monkeys come and get it.
What is another name for a serial rapist? Short dress enthusiast.
Why are they called "breaking news" in the entire world?
Because they are breaking the whole entire news.
Why couldn't the NASA astronaut enter his rocket to leave Earth?
There wasn't enough space to fly it.