Short jokes
Be careful around fire, plastic melts.
Me: Jaiden telling orphan jokes to my friend.
That orphan behind me...
Me: (Jaiden) Why are you crying? Do you know where your parents are?
Orphan: *Sobs* "No."
God, I love working at an orphanage!
Why did the orphan cry when the teacher yelled at him?
Because the teacher said, "Don't make me call your parents!"
One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.
Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.
When you are eating delicious street food in China and you ask the chef: You: "Is this chicken?" Chef: "No, its meow meow."
What do you call a binder with no rings?
What can you do if you have a rotten piece of candy?
What do you call a fish that doesn't play basketball?
Me: Let's go to Randy's.
Friend: There's no Randy's.
Me: Ran deez nuts with a car.
Me: Can I borrow your CD?
Friend: What CD?
Me: See deez nuts in your mouth.
My mom loved taking pics of me when I was a child. Thanks to that, people really believe my fake smiles! :3
Does an orphanage have daddy issues?
Yes, because he didn't come back from getting the milk.
Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?
Why don't cows make good policemen?
Because they refuse to go on steak-outs!
"You are under arrest for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!"
"Wait! I can explain everything!"
Boy/girl: I love you.
Me: I love me too! But sorry, my mom said I can't date trash. Go back to the trashcan.
The boy/girl: I- *Is depressed*
What happened when the cheetah took too many baths?
He became spotless!!!
How are wet clothes and a depressed person alike? One gets hung up to dry, the other gets hung up to die.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have nobody to call "daddy."