Sex jokes
What do you do if your dick is smoking?
Get your mum to lick it.
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess. His family is nuts. His neighbor is an asshole. His best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him. That's it for now.
What's the difference between sex and gender?
You can't have gender with your sister.
My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!
Who's in my ass?
Your sister.
How do you know if your sister's on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes funny.
What's worse than fingering your sister?
Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.
What does a Rubik's cube and a penis have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.
If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?
I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.
What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don’t care if she has one.
What do you call a giraffe giving a blow job to another giraffe?
Getting neck!
Another condom name is "Orphan's Home."
Roses are red, violets are blue,
I fucked a chimpanzee behind my local zoo.
Herpes? No, I don't want her. Her pees.
What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?
They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.
I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"
How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!
Spare.
You got a spare, spare me an inch of that far juicy cock.
Whoever said men will f**k anything that moves is *dead* wrong.