Sex jokes

What do you call a thirsty girl?

An H2Hoe.

I'll give you an A because you're awesome.

B because you're beautiful.

A C because you're caring.

And I'll give you this D cuz you deserve it.

The QUEEN is JACK! KING off the JOKER!

I know what you're thinking, pervert. Actually, the joke's about a jester in drag. OK, I’m joking, the Queen cheated on the King with the Jester.

What did your mom say last night? "Go harder!"

What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

I don’t care if she has one.

What's common between the penis and a Rubik's cube?

Both get hard when we play with them.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

What’s the hardest part about f...ing toddlers?

My boner.

What is the origin of the glory hole?

The origins can be found in San Francisco, California, where historians claim that a meat thermometer was sticking out of a hole from both sides, especially the divider between bathroom stalls inside the men's restroom used for an anonymous massage for gay men by gay men in San Francisco, CA, in the Wild West.

I eat ass.

What does a dead baby look like?

I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.

A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.

Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh, Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”

God sent gays to fix overpopulation. Until they ended same-sex marriage.

What's thick, 12 inches, and in your mum's throat?

My penis.

Say this to someone who is fat that you don't like (make sure he's a virgin):

"You're so fat you can sell shaaade!! That's why you're a virgin and you masturbaaate!!! Yeah, I've see you, touching your 1 centimetre and if you have a gf she's is a cheater!!"

Make sure to say "shaaade" not "shade". And say "maturbaaate" (also try to say a D not a T in maturbaaate) not "masturbate".

I was eating this girl out the other night, and I tasted horse semen, so I said to her, "Oh, that's how you died, grandma!"

Miss Stephen likes sex like she likes kids.

On a desk in pure isolation.

How do the men with bisexual tendencies that are members in the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses have sex with other men without being disfellowshiped in the Jehovah's Witnesses Church?

Anonymous sex at a glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar.

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Fuck 'em.

An ugly, poor teenage girl found a genie lamp in her backyard. The genie said, "I will grant you 3 wishes, but under 1 condition."

"What is it?" she asked.

"After I grant your final wish, you have to have sex with me," the genie replied.

"Okay, for my 1st wish, I wish to be the prettiest girl at my school," the genie snapped his fingers and made her pretty.

"For my 2nd wish, I wish for my family to be rich," the genie snapped his fingers and told her her family is now the richest in town.

"And your final wish?" the genie asked.

"I wish I had a sabertoothed vagina."