Sex jokes
What do orgasms and impulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
We aren't ghosts, but I'll take you under the sheets.
What does broccoli and sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.
Why are black men's eyes always red after sex?
From the mace.
What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?
Answer: a Carnivwhore.
What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?
"Damn, that's really stiff!"
What do you do if your dick is smoking?
Get your mum to lick it.
I suck my dick.
Why do vegans hate sex?
They don't want to say they had a meat in 'em.
Another condom name is "Orphan's Home."
What’s the hardest part about f...ing toddlers?
My boner.
What is the origin of the glory hole?
The origins can be found in San Francisco, California, where historians claim that a meat thermometer was sticking out of a hole from both sides, especially the divider between bathroom stalls inside the men's restroom used for an anonymous massage for gay men by gay men in San Francisco, CA, in the Wild West.
I eat ass.
What does a dead baby look like?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh, Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”
God sent gays to fix overpopulation. Until they ended same-sex marriage.
What's thick, 12 inches, and in your mum's throat?
My penis.
I was eating this girl out the other night, and I tasted horse semen, so I said to her, "Oh, that's how you died, grandma!"
How do the men with bisexual tendencies that are members in the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses have sex with other men without being disfellowshiped in the Jehovah's Witnesses Church?
Anonymous sex at a glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar.
Miss Stephen likes sex like she likes kids.
On a desk in pure isolation.