Sex jokes
I used to be a man in a woman’s body. And then I was born.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
I fucked a chimpanzee behind my local zoo.
Whoever said men will f**k anything that moves is *dead* wrong.
What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?
They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.
Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because he put the wrong sock was put on.
Hehe.
Spare.
You got a spare, spare me an inch of that far juicy cock.
What do you call a thirsty girl?
An H2Hoe.
Why is life like penises?
Women make it hard.
I'll give you an A because you're awesome.
B because you're beautiful.
A C because you're caring.
And I'll give you this D cuz you deserve it.
Imagine everyone being hoes.
What’s the difference between 69 and High School?
In 69 you usually only kiss one c*nt and look at one a**hole.
Q: What's another name for cumming inside a woman?
A: Loading up the dishwasher.
Q. What do you call anal sex with a politician?
A. A backroom deal.
I have no problem with prostitution.
It's like an Air BnB for your dick.
What’s the hardest part about f...ing toddlers?
My boner.
What is the origin of the glory hole?
The origins can be found in San Francisco, California, where historians claim that a meat thermometer was sticking out of a hole from both sides, especially the divider between bathroom stalls inside the men's restroom used for an anonymous massage for gay men by gay men in San Francisco, CA, in the Wild West.
What does a dead baby look like?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh, Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”
God sent gays to fix overpopulation. Until they ended same-sex marriage.
I eat ass.