Sex jokes

What do queer guys call hemorrhoids? Speed bumps!

Why can't orphans have sex? Because they have no one to call "daddy."

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

You can't jelly your cock into a girl's mouth.

Getting ready for gangbang.

My man is a pussy cunt that sucks my dick.

Joke's on him, he just asked me for bobs and vegana.

What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?

My dick while I'm doing it.

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.

Did you hear about the dyslexic couple who were struggling to have sex? They kept doing the 96 positions.

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One's a good year, and one's a great year.

My conversion therapy done worked. Now I only sleep with my sister and not my brother.

Knock, knock.

*takes out penis*

Who is there?

Butthole 😎

I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.

Spread my legs like butter n finger me hard. 👅👅👅

I wrote "my pen is big," but forgot to space "pen is."

Little Johnny walked to his parents' room. They were having sex, and Little Johnny didn’t know what that was, so he said, "What are y’all doing?"

The parents replied, "Umm, r-rapping presents!"

Little Johnny said, "Okay," and then left. In the morning, Little Johnny opened his presents. His parents said, "This one is from Santa!"

Little Johnny said, "No, it’s not, y’all said y’all were rapping the presents."

The parents said, "Ohh fuck!"

Little Johnny replied, "What, Mommy and Daddy?" They replied, "Oh, nothing!" "Oh, okay," Little Johnny said. The mom whispered in the dad's ear, "At least he doesn’t know the truth."

Little Johnny said, "What truth?"

Q: What's the best thing about fucking 28 year olds?

A: There's 20 of them.

I suck poop in my butthole, aka porn.

There was 1 gay guy, who kissed 4576 gay guys. Then had sex with them, creaming so hard, all of the dicks cumming on his face.

Then he stopped and had sex again x6, now he was left with...

So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

What does the penis say to the condom? "Cover me I'm going inside."