Sex jokes

What's the difference between me and an egg?

An egg gets laid.

Why is my pee pee 2 inches in length but 5 in girth?

Roses are red, violets are fine, you'll be the 6 and I'll be the 9.

I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I wanted my first time to be special.

Your mummy is so tall, she uses the Eiffel Tower as a dildo.

What is the definition of fellatio?

Auto masturbation.

If I like having sex and get with 15 people, are they getting sexified?

Where do babies get baptized?

So the priest can wash their sex toys.

Why did the dick go insane?

Someone kept messing with his head.

What did God say when he made the first woman?

"Where is your dick at?"

Are you a keyboard, because I wanna tap you all night long.

What’s the difference between weed and pussy?

If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.

What is a necrophiliac's safe word?

"I'm alive!"

Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?

They hate it when you hand it to them.

Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce. Now suck that cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock. Now suck that cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock!

What do the Twin Towers and my Mom have in common? They both went down on my dad.

What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.

What’s the difference between a hooker and a cat?

I haven’t banged a hooker.

A guy and his girl just finished making love.

Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"

The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"

What's more useless than a broken condom? A fetus resulting from a broken condom.