Sex jokes

What did God say when he made the first woman?

"Where is your dick at?"

Are you a keyboard, because I wanna tap you all night long.

What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?

A male Duck on Viagra.

What do you do after fucking the loosest pussy ever?

Close the casket.

I wish death was in the form of a woman.

That way, it would never come for me.

Dating 101:

Here's what you do:

1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.

I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I wanted my first time to be special.

Roses are red, violets are fine, you'll be the 6 and I'll be the 9.

Which one would be better to fuck, a fat bitch or a skinny bitch?

What is the definition of fellatio?

Auto masturbation.

Your mummy is so tall, she uses the Eiffel Tower as a dildo.

Roses are red, violets are blue, she's only red bc she sucked you.

If I like having sex and get with 15 people, are they getting sexified?

What's the difference between me and an egg?

An egg gets laid.

Why is my pee pee 2 inches in length but 5 in girth?

NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?

'Cause it's a place to eat.

What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?

Someone didn’t pull it out in time.

"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."

I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.

I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.

How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?

She was too used to grabbing the tip.