Sex jokes
What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave? A microwave doesn't brown your meat.
My best friend said, "Can you put your dick in me?" I said, "Can I cum in you?"
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
nothing... they both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
One time a girl was telling her boyfriend if she could have sex with him for just a little bit, and he said sure, so she just started having sex. She asked him if they could have a baby, but he said sure and started going hard. She told him she was joking, but he wouldn't get off. So she did the 69, and months later, she died, and he said he thinks he killed her with sex.
Why did the priest invent baptism?
To wash their sex toys.
I heard you were looking for a stud...
I already have the STD; all I need is you.
What happened when you put your penis in? You start cumming!
A man runs into a church and shouts, "Are there any dwarf nuns in the monastery?" The Pope said no, causing the man to say to his friend, "I told you you fucked a penguin!"
Why is Fairy's washing up liquid the best form of lubricant for anal sex?
No more tears.
Are you a keyboard, because I wanna tap you all night long.
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
Anal.
What do you call a bunny with a bent dick?
Fucks funny.
What kind of ball does Amy Rose like? Blue balls.
Just 'cause I have a big penis doesn't mean I can't have sex.
Addicted, what did the drug dealer say to the dopewhore?
"Damn whore, you're not that addicted when you spread your legs open for any man. No wonder weed is more addicted than yo ass." Lol
How to trick a gay man into having sex with a woman?
Take a dump on her vagina!
What is the difference between a carpet muncher and a female prostitute?
If you want a female prostitute to be a carpet muncher, you have to give her money.
I've got not much of anything to be honest.
Been in special classes in school.
Not liked by people.
Only relationship I've ever had and she cheated on me.
31 years old and never had sex, pathetic.
Not very smart.
Don't look good.
Hate myself more than anything.
Been a failure at everything in life.
Probably be alone forever.
People treat me like crap.
Can't do anything right.
And the list goes on and on.
So the question is why haven't I killed myself yet? The answer is, I forget. I'm a extreme procrastinator, keep just putting it off because I'll probably just fuck it up anyway.
"Don't have sex" - Jake.