Sex jokes

Are you a keyboard, because I wanna tap you all night long.

What’s the difference between weed and pussy?

If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.

What is a necrophiliac's safe word?

"I'm alive!"

Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?

They hate it when you hand it to them.

Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce. Now suck that cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock. Now suck that cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock!

What do the Twin Towers and my Mom have in common? They both went down on my dad.

What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.

What’s the difference between a hooker and a cat?

I haven’t banged a hooker.

A guy and his girl just finished making love.

Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"

The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"

What's more useless than a broken condom? A fetus resulting from a broken condom.

What did the banana say to the vibrator?

"What are you shaking for? She’s going to eat me!"

F*** man, I just need a f***ing loli to walk all over me!

To all my haters, keep sucking. I'm about to cum.

What do both a hooker and a customer have in common? They come onto each other.

My wife asked me to connect more on my feminine side. So I crashed our car and fucked my trainer.

It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.

6 looks like someone facing up.

9 looks like someone facing down.

69 looks like 2 people sucking each other's dicks.

James Bond gives all the ladies he's met the perfect birthday gift: Chlamydia.

Why are women like KFC? After you finish with the thigh and the breasts, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They're both meat substitutes.