Sex jokes

One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!

What's the difference between Tyler and a rooster? A rooster says, "cock-a-doodle-doo," Tyler says, "any cock will do."

Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love, she is always on top?

Donald Trump can only F@#k up.

Billy: "I'm so used to having you in bed with me, I don't know if I'm ready for this long-distance relationship."

Sally: "Ohh, don't worry brother, I'll just be right down the hall..."

Little Susie had gotten her first period. She told her mom, and they bought pads.

The next month, Susie's mom asked if she had her second one. Suzie said no, and her mom fainted!

If sex before marriage is a sin, is sex after marriage cos or tan?

How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using the computer?

There is sperm on the computer screen.

What did the sex offender frog say to the other sex offender frog when a hot frog passed them?

Rrrrrapeit!

What STD can you get from phone sex?

Hearing AIDS.

You know, I like my girls how I like my 9/11: Two twins that go down easy.

Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?

They couldn’t close his casket.

I have sex daily, I mean dyslexia, fuck!

Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?

A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.

A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.

At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun.

Jack got mad and kicked Jill in the ass because she couldn't make him cum.

Kenny can't find a girlfriend because neither of his sisters can fuck as good as his mom could.

Life is like a penis: simple, soft, relaxed, and hanging free, until a woman comes around and makes it hard.

The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."

How did the necrophiliac get caught?

Some rotten cunt split on him....

I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"