Sex jokes

Little Susie had gotten her first period. She told her mom, and they bought pads.

The next month, Susie's mom asked if she had her second one. Suzie said no, and her mom fainted!

One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!

If sex before marriage is a sin, is sex after marriage cos or tan?

Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love, she is always on top?

Donald Trump can only F@#k up.

How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using the computer?

There is sperm on the computer screen.

What STD can you get from phone sex?

Hearing AIDS.

Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?

They couldn’t close his casket.

I have sex daily, I mean dyslexia, fuck!

You know, I like my girls how I like my 9/11: Two twins that go down easy.

Life is like a penis: simple, soft, relaxed, and hanging free, until a woman comes around and makes it hard.

What did the sex offender frog say to the other sex offender frog when a hot frog passed them?

Rrrrrapeit!

The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."

A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.

At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun.

Jack got mad and kicked Jill in the ass because she couldn't make him cum.

I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"

What do sex and food have in common?

My sister makes it better than my cousin.

What’s another name for cumming inside a woman?

Loading the dishwasher.

How did the necrophiliac get caught?

Some rotten cunt split on him....

Why couldn’t the dwarf husband make his wife pregnant?

Because of his short cummings.

If a heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from another heterosexual man at a glory hole, it's called a "brojob", but if a homophobic heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from a gay man at a glory hole, it's still called a "brojob". Does it cycle now?