Sex jokes
If they made a movie about your sex life, what would it be?
In Afghanistan, it would be "Twelve Years a Slave!" 🤣
What is the difference between chocolate and sex?
I would rather eat the chocolate first and then make love.
When I die, I want my body to be cremated.
And fucked! Fucked really hard, papí!! Like a real whore!! Like a real tramp!! Stuff your entire cock in there!!! Uhh!! Uhh!!
What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?
...
I'm still trying to think of an answer.
I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.
Don't you hate when you have sex with your teacher, then remember you're home schooled?
A bird was on a branch at school today. I turn away to talk to my friends, and another bird was there when I turned around. I turn around again, and the birds are having fucking sex!!!
What the fuck.
Now I've seen everything.
What is more used than plastic?
Hookers.
Did you hear about the blind prostitute?
Well, you gotta hand it to her.
In India, 3 things are wide and far everywhere, but no one admits: racism, sexism, and Sunny's jism.
What do math and me on P-hub have in common?
They are both hard.
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh.
Next thing he hears is, “Dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings. Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
Q: What do nuns and bathrooms have in common?
A: They both have glory holes for pleasing.
Why do heterosexual men and women that are married in France only perform anilingus on each other in their bedrooms?
Anal sex and oral sex is against the law in France.
The woman was thinking she wanted to have sex, but one second later, she did it on the street with a criminal.
It’s almost take her to Spirit Halloween, and then rail her in a spooky mask season.
My wife purely hates me for me having sex with our daughter.
It's not my fault I couldn't wait to get out of the abortion clinic!
I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.
Man: Did you know pidgins die after having sex?
Woman: No, really?
Man: Well, the one I fucked did...
Did you hear about the new sex doll they've invented for Muslims?
It blows itself up!!