Sex jokes
This is not even a joke, it's a serious question... Is eating ass considered cannibalism?
Kenny can't find a girlfriend because neither of his sisters can fuck as good as his mom could.
Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
What STD can you get from phone sex?
Hearing AIDS.
You know, I like my girls how I like my 9/11: Two twins that go down easy.
What do masturbation and brain damage have in common? After a few strokes, there’s no going back.
What’s another name for cumming inside a woman?
Loading the dishwasher.
Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn’t close his casket.
The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.
It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating, and said he'll give one shot on the house. The man said, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob. And nah, if 12 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."
A beautiful woman is on the ledge of a bridge about to commit suicide.
A homeless man walks by her and says, "What are you doing?"
She says, "I'm going to jump!"
The homeless man says, "If you're going to kill yourself, do you wanna have sex with me first?"
The woman replies, "No way, creep! Never that!"
The homeless man doesn't seem bothered and says, "That's fine, I'll just wait 'til you're at the bottom."
Life is like a penis: simple, soft, relaxed, and hanging free, until a woman comes around and makes it hard.
What do you call it when a boxer cums? Busting a nut.
How did the necrophiliac get caught?
Some rotten cunt split on him....
Why couldn’t the dwarf husband make his wife pregnant?
Because of his short cummings.
I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"
What do KFC and pussy have in common?
Both are finger lickin' good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.
What do sex and food have in common?
My sister makes it better than my cousin.
You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"