Why is Santa's sack so big?
Because he only cums once a year.
In Boston we say,
"Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, unzipped his fly and said ‘Hey Jill, you wanna?’ Jill said yes, unzipped her dress, and then they had a ‘daughta’" 🤣
I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"
Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
What's the hardest thing about being a rapist?
My dick.
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her pussy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!
If a heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from another heterosexual man at a glory hole, it's called a "brojob", but if a homophobic heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from a gay man at a glory hole, it's still called a "brojob". Does it cycle now?
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
Why did the orphan want to become a prostitute?
To get a daddy.
What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
What do you call a vegan slut?
A garden ho!
Roses are red, I have a blister, holy shit did you just cum in your sister?
What is something feminists crave but will never get? Semen.
Why was baptism invented?
How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?
Kenny can't find a girlfriend because neither of his sisters can fuck as good as his mom could.
WARNING OFFENSIVE: What is the difference between a redhead and a brick? ... A brick gets laid.
What do KFC and pussy have in common?
Both are finger lickin' good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.
I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.
The priest is in jail now.
I banged a German chick one time. I tried anal and asked her to rate the experience. She kept yelling "9! 9! 9!"
The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.
It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.
