Sex jokes

The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."

Life is like a penis: simple, soft, relaxed, and hanging free, until a woman comes around and makes it hard.

What do you call it when a boxer cums? Busting a nut.

How did the necrophiliac get caught?

Some rotten cunt split on him....

I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"

What do KFC and pussy have in common?

Both are finger lickin' good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.

What do sex and food have in common?

My sister makes it better than my cousin.

I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.

The priest is in jail now.

What do masturbation and brain damage have in common? After a few strokes, there’s no going back.

Little Susie had gotten her first period. She told her mom, and they bought pads.

The next month, Susie's mom asked if she had her second one. Suzie said no, and her mom fainted!

Why couldn’t the dwarf husband make his wife pregnant?

Because of his short cummings.

If a heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from another heterosexual man at a glory hole, it's called a "brojob", but if a homophobic heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from a gay man at a glory hole, it's still called a "brojob". Does it cycle now?

PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."

This is not even a joke, it's a serious question... Is eating ass considered cannibalism?

Why is Santa's sack so big?

Because he only cums once a year.

In Boston we say,

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, unzipped his fly and said ‘Hey Jill, you wanna?’ Jill said yes, unzipped her dress, and then they had a ‘daughta’" 🤣

Roses are red, I have a blister, holy shit did you just cum in your sister?

What's the hardest thing about being a rapist?

My dick.

How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.

How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.

Friend: I broke up with Sara.

Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.

Friend: How did her pussy feel?

Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.

Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!