Sex jokes
There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.
Dr. Brody: Sir, your son has a disease called boofa.
Dad: What's boofa?
Dr. Brody: Both of these nuts in your mouth.
What's the difference between a hooker and Jesus?
Their face when you nail them!
When you go to your friend's house to fuck her brother, but realize he's your brother from your mom's side.
If it's on the clock, it's old enough for the cock.
How do you know when you should tell a heterosexual woman to stop sucking your dick?
When there is blood coming out of your dick instead of sperm.
What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts.
What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts.
What do you call nuts on your chin? A blowjob.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
It might take a while for me to get hard because I just got laid last night.
Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.
What’s the difference between a hoe and a rooster?
A rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo," and a hoe says, "Any cock will do."
Life is like giving head... it always sucks.
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
nothing... they both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?
Boyfriend: My mom taught me.
Johnny is very attached to his parents. He asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks, "What's that?" The mother replies, "That's my garage." He looks up and asks, "What are those?" The mother responds, "Those are my headlights."
He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down, "Daddy, what's that?" The dad replies, "That's my car." He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tells his mother and she says, "You can lay with me." He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed. He gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving. He looks under the covers to investigate and sees them going at it. He then yells, "Mommy, turn on you're headlights, Daddy's parking his car in you're garage!" *THUD*
Boner.
"Dad, what is 69?" asks son.
Dad: "Well son, it is a position where a man and women pleasure each other orally."
Son: "So what shall I write? Odd or even?"
Kenney lost his virginity to a $10 hooker, but he only had to pay $5. She was his sister, so he got the family discount.
Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?
Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?
What do you call an orphan with a boner?
Porn.
When her head game is so strong, she sucks the chromosome right out of you.