Sex jokes

Suck tiny dick, now you have STD's.

A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."

"I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.

After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."

Ty choked on DT’s willy.

What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?

...

I'm still trying to think of an answer.

Hey guys, Billy has this weird disability where when he has sex with someone, he says their name really loud.

Billy: Hey guys, I just got back from my DADS!!

Wait, what Billy?

So, I went up to an Australian girl. She looked like she was 20, and I said, "Can I have your phone number, sweetheart?" She said, "696969." I said, "Oh, haha, okay." A few days later, her mother called me and said she's 15.

Is sex a joke? Because I don't get it.

I have two eyes and am afraid of sex.

A Fortnite player.

Did you hear about the gay choirboy?

He choked on his first hymn.

A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.

For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.

A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."

What is the difference between a carpet muncher and a female prostitute?

If you want a female prostitute to be a carpet muncher, you have to give her money.

If you think long and hard, oral sex is like cannibals.

I had sex with my dog once, and my cat hissed at me for not doing her.

I asked my daddy what sex was. He said, "Wanna cum and try it?"

My sex life.

I think my penis has facial recognition.

I was kissing my gal when the phone rang. I answered it, and it was a prank. I walked into the room when my girl had sex with me. Then we cummed the house full XD

PS free sex at my name

Did you know nine of ten dentists recommend oral sex?

Money is power, and power is sex. Sex is ex, and ex is virgin.