Sex jokes
What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?
Cracking open a cold one with the boys.
What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.
Why do vegetarians give good head?
Because they’re used to eating nuts.
Why does a married heterosexual man want an anonymous blowjob at a glory hole inside an adult bookstore?
Because he doesn't want his wife to find out that he got a blowjob from another man.
So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.
So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?
And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.
This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"
"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"
Yesterday I was fucking my sister, and she said, "You fuck a lot like dad." I said, "Really? Mum said that too."
Q: What is the difference between a stripper and a bungee cord?
A: It's cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're pretty much screwed.
Why would a vegetarian never moan during sex?
They don't wanna admit that a piece of meat made them happy.
When a mute girl gives a hand job, is it oral?
My favorite sex position is ‘WOW.’ It's where I flip your mom upside down.
Kid: What is between mom's legs?
Dad: Paradise.
Kid: What's between your legs?
Dad: The key to paradise.
Kid: Well, you better change the lock, the neighbor has the key to.
So there I was, fucking my sister, and she shouts, "God, you fuck like Dad!" I then said, "Damn, that’s what Mom said."
What’s the difference between hungry and horny?
Where you put the cucumber 🥒
Patient: “Doctor, my bottom hurts.”
Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”
Patient: “Right around the entrance.”
Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.”
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
A: So she can moan with the other.
Go fuck yourself, cause I doubt anyone else will. 💅
How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.
Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."
Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"
Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."
Vagina jokes aren't funny.
Most of the time.