Sex jokes

Why would a vegetarian never moan during sex?

They don't wanna admit that a piece of meat made them happy.

When a mute girl gives a hand job, is it oral?

So there I was, fucking my sister, and she shouts, "God, you fuck like Dad!" I then said, "Damn, that’s what Mom said."

Q: What is the difference between a stripper and a bungee cord?

A: It's cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're pretty much screwed.

Kid: What is between mom's legs?

Dad: Paradise.

Kid: What's between your legs?

Dad: The key to paradise.

Kid: Well, you better change the lock, the neighbor has the key to.

What’s the difference between hungry and horny?

Where you put the cucumber 🥒

So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.

Yesterday I was fucking my sister, and she said, "You fuck a lot like dad." I said, "Really? Mum said that too."

Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?

A: So she can moan with the other.

What do you call two transgender midgets having sex?

A microtransaction.

Patient: “Doctor, my bottom hurts.”

Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”

Patient: “Right around the entrance.”

Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.”

Go fuck yourself, cause I doubt anyone else will. 💅

How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?

You’re dead if the rubber breaks.

Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."

Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"

Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."

Vagina jokes aren't funny.

Most of the time.

What do physically handicapped gay men do after they are done belching? They wipe their mouths on their light blue handkerchiefs after they are done sucking cocks.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and said, "Jill do you wanna?" Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill so now they have a son.

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?"

To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?"

What starts off fun and ends in bankruptcy?

UNPROTECTED SEX.

Lost my virginity to a down syndrome the other day... only cause I wanted my first time to be special.