Sex jokes

So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.

What do you call two transgender midgets having sex?

A microtransaction.

Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?

A: So she can moan with the other.

Go fuck yourself, cause I doubt anyone else will. 💅

Yesterday I was fucking my sister, and she said, "You fuck a lot like dad." I said, "Really? Mum said that too."

My favorite sex position is ‘WOW.’ It's where I flip your mom upside down.

How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?

You’re dead if the rubber breaks.

Patient: “Doctor, my bottom hurts.”

Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”

Patient: “Right around the entrance.”

Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.”

Vagina jokes aren't funny.

Most of the time.

Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."

Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"

Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."

What do physically handicapped gay men do after they are done belching? They wipe their mouths on their light blue handkerchiefs after they are done sucking cocks.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and said, "Jill do you wanna?" Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill so now they have a son.

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?"

To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?"

What starts off fun and ends in bankruptcy?

UNPROTECTED SEX.

Lost my virginity to a down syndrome the other day... only cause I wanted my first time to be special.

Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?

A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.

How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.

Did you hear about the blind prostitute?

Well, you gotta hand it to her.

What's the difference between Tyler and a rooster? A rooster says, "cock-a-doodle-doo," Tyler says, "any cock will do."

Billy: "I'm so used to having you in bed with me, I don't know if I'm ready for this long-distance relationship."

Sally: "Ohh, don't worry brother, I'll just be right down the hall..."